1. Developed interpersonal skills
What you really mean: Learned to stop hissing when people approached you asking where the bathroom was, who you were and why the company had hired a cat to intern.
2. Held leadership positions
You’ve never owned a ship!
3. Proficient at Excel
Once figured out how to sort things alphabetically but has long forgotten. Can Google “How to sort things alphabetically in Excel” though!
4. Relevant coursework
Advanced pottery is relevant to something.
5. Special skills
Can assemble a snack between Netflix episodes without even pausing.
6. Not a serial killer
Not not a serial killer
7. Find me on LinkedIn
You’ve given up.