1. Befriend that person in recitation who does all the reading. Kidnap them.

2. Tell your professor you suffer from a rare, unnamed condition that makes you lazy and inattentive. Forge a doctor’s note for legitimacy.

3. File a stalking report against your TA when they ask you why you haven’t been to class since September.

4. Sleep with your TA.

5. Become a Russian agent and hack into Canvas.

6. Say you’ve been too emotionally distressed by the inconsistent weather patterns to study.

7. Get a dragon.