Borscht Afficionado: "I'm so pro–beets my pee is red."
Nineteen Eighty–Whore: "Honesty is a tool, not a policy."
Penn Face Pyromaniac: "I don’t get burnt out, I get burnt on."
Bro–ciologist: "It's so funny what men will do in their communities."
Sexually Liberal, Fiscally Conservative: "My sexual proclivities are inextricable from my need for capitalism to make me its little bitch."
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Notes From a Cuckoo Editor–in–Chief
Solutions by The State News
