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Back to the future
Today as I walked towards my new apartment I found myself unconsciously inching closer to what used to be my home sophomore year, the infamous High Rise North, I realized the chilling fact: I am a senior and I don't live there anymore.
Street Beat
Girls Gone Wild producers fined $2.1 million for failing to record ages of female performers. Supreme Court fined $6.9 million for failing to see the hilarity in underage boobs. Russian protestors object to Madonna performing on a cross as a part of her "Confessions" tour.
The man behind the Lady
Street: Why did you decide to buy Allegro? Dimitrios Dimopoulos: It was a good opportunity that came up.
Street Beats
Iowa college town reels in wake of tornado strikes. Student compares sensation to watching episode of 7th Heaven. The rising Danube causes floods in Europe. Venice has identity crisis. Katrina report recommends improving disaster response. In a similar report, comedian Chris Farley posthumously recommends low-fat salad. Enron prosecutors question Skilling's story. Audience baffled prosecutor wouldn't just take Skilling at his word. Europe starts to take harder line on terror suspects. In Paris, anyone caught trying to hijjack a plane will be sentenced to 10 days without wine, cheese or cigarettes. Ohio has its fifth mega millions win since June.
Person on the street: Keep on DeTurckin'
Street: Being Dean, don't you find you don't have enough time to give to your students? Dennis DeTurck: Sometimes.
From the Editor
While the last thing we like to do at Street is educate (we much prefer the word "inform"), exams are fast approaching.
Word on the street: Mad about Bush
I commenced my senior year at Penn in a fit of political rage. After having spent the summer and fall of 2004 canvassing for the John Kerry campaign, and the following spring abroad in Paris ignoring the results of the election, I returned to the States in June of 2005 only to be bombarded by torrents of Bush-friendly media images.
Fom the editor
I am the epitome of goyim. My time at Penn, if anything, has been not unlike a large lecture course in Jews.
Street Beats
Italian national election remains too close to call. Winner will be decided by Florida hanging chad ballots from 2000 election. Britain confirms case of bird flu in dead swan.
Person on the street
Due to an overwhelming level of recent interest in Penn's squirrel community, this week, Street has decided to feature an exclusive interview with a campus squirrel. Street: Were you born on campus, Squirrel? Campus Squirrel: No, my family emigrated from war-torn Czechoslovakia after the Iron Curtain fell in '89.
Street Beats
Studies show hazing extends beyond frats. Several Wharton professors admit to force-feeding "new hires" crack-laced Red Bull. Webmail fails for first time in 2006. Peggy Curchack has identity crisis. Penn medical school moves up to third in nation. Crazy Carl's Online College of Rodent and Penguin Dentistry edges out the number 147,843,384 slot. Doctors worry about abortion pills' safety.
Word on the street: Gimme shelter
Mick Jagger is used to having younger women fall in love with him, but my first infatuation was premature even for Mick -- I was nine years old. Jagger strut down the catwalk stage at my first rock concert and I was converted.
From the editor
If under- and upperclassmen have anything in common, it's an unfounded, schoolgirlish excitement over Spring Fling.
Bucks, no not starbucks -- The cool one
Street: So do you work the late night? MB: Yeah, I work from 10 [p.m.] to 3 [a.m.]. Street: How is that working out for you? MB: It's not that bad.
From the editor
Well first off the bat I'd like to thank everyone who voted for Best of Penn this year. The decision to make the annual completion voted on by the public was something of an experiment.
Street Beats
France braces for nationwide strike over new labor law. Le Monde declares French labor strikes officially least original news headline of 2006. Penn activist speaker denounces death penalty. With only exception that she would rather die than not let GEICO help her save money on her car insurance. SUV falls into New York City sinkhole.
Person on the street: Marvelous Wisdom
Street: How did you get into the record store industry? Michael Heinzer: Well, my friend Milan Marvelous wanted to open a record store -- Street: Wait, his name is actually Marvelous? MH: Yeah, Milan Marvelous. Street: Is that his given name? MH: No, I think when they got married, they decided to change it to Marvelous.
Word on the street
Everyone is laughing and I am not. Kevin Smith's speech for SPEC is one long dirty joke with no punch-line.
From the editor
I have plenty of incentives never to leave my room. My TV -- well, I've written about how much I love that, like, infinity times.
