Humor
Freshman Superlatives: Then and Now
In honor of the Class of 2014’s last semester at Penn, we decided to revisit our favorite freshman superlative winners from their first semester here.
Freshman Fuck Up Judy McIlwain: Fuckin' Up and Lovin' It
This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 Freshman fuck–up Judy McIlwain has a new “leash” on life. “Watch how many I can fit in my mouth,” she says to us—unprovoked—in a context that does not make sense. That is, until you realize she has chained herself to the 40th Street McDonald’s terrace, just trying to see how many blades of grass she can put into her mouth.
Overheard at McDonald's
This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 McD’s patron: If I died and went to heaven… I would still be here.
Let's Do Brunch: Blind Date Edition
This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 Tired of the same old dating options, freshman Largo Fry asked Lowbrow to set him up with someone fresh and exciting for a blind brunch date to 40th and Walnut.
Behind the Golden Arches: Crime at Penn
This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 Todd Henry Walker is nervous.
The Worst of Shoutouts Fall 2013
Not all Shoutouts are created equal.
Shoutouts Fall 2013 Part 3
To the realest fraternity out there: ain’t got no chapter house, ain’t got no endowment.
Shoutouts Fall 2013 Part 2
To the Wizard of Farts (WoF): your senior year has finally come, and with it a whole new rain of olfactory terror on Penn’s campus.
Shoutouts Fall 2013 Part 1
To Joe: I’ve literally never understood a single thing you’ve said. To the kid who thinks he’s from Alabama: I’d let you roll my tide. To the boys always out on highrise field: stop trying to make your trampoline–ball game happen. To the guys trying to get into my pants: just stick your hands down them.
Overheard at Penn
Sorority girl: I’ll wax anything for you.
Such Concerns We're Having: 11.7.2013
Dear the Daily Pennsylvanian, Hello.
Overheard at Penn: 11.7.2013
Bro in Pottruck sauna: This is like when I was in Israel and it was literally too hot for my iPhone to function.
Letters to Lowbrow
We've got mail! Does anyone still have AOL? Just us? What about Hotmail? Anyway, Lowbrow finally checked our inbox for the first time since NSO, and have we got some good advice for you!
