7:32pm: Sip on beer while waiting for friend to get ready. Is this even a “Philadelphia society” event?
7:47pm: Still waiting to go. Rip two shots and question whether or not I’m pregaming this event too aggressively.
7:54pm: Finally leave. We hop into an Uber XL—ready to arrive at the Barnes in a mediocre SUV.
8:11pm: Arrive at the Barnes. Beeline to the bar after going to coat check.
8:12pm: Instinctively order a Long Island Iced Tea. Bartender flashes me a questionable look. Definitely the only person at this 500+ person event drinking a Long Island. Cheers.
8:20pm: Wander around the reception and attempt to mingle. There’s a surprisingly attractive crowd.
8:25pm: Need more liquid courage and go to the bar for a second drink. Order another Long Island, but this one is disgusting. Sip, regurgitate, swallow, and repeat.
8:27pm: Fellow young professional hears me say “vagina” and we make uncomfortable eye contact as I walk by.
8:30pm: Enter gallery. Miró, Miró, on the wall—who’s the drunkest of them all? Me.
8:40pm: Time for a bathroom break. Someone next to me moans, and I feel awkward. I realize that I’m only person with a drink in the bathroom. Remember that this isn’t a college party.
8:48pm: DJ on stage plays “Animals”. Maybe this is a college party?
9:05pm: Migrate to the dance floor. Start to grind, which seems mildly inappropriate but also feels so right.
9:10pm: Girl dancing next to me says, “it smells like pork and cookies.” Strangely enough, she’s right.
9:16pm: Getting sweaty on the dance floor. Take off jacket and put it under the DJ booth.
9:25pm: Dancing girl tries to steal the DJ’s bottle of champagne, but he quickly reprimands her. Thirsty DJ.
9:30pm: Sam Smith look–a–like enters the dance floor. Wait, is that Sam Smith?
9:42pm: Girl goes up to Sam Smith look–a–like and asks, “excuse me, are you Sam Smith?” Clear no, but I’m still skeptical.
9:55pm: Music slowing down. Event ends at 10 p.m., but these young professionals don’t want to leave.
10:01pm: Someone in line at coat check asks, “what was your favorite painting?”
10:07pm: Uber drive asks about the destination. “To the Copabanana.”
