Interviewer: Hi Cate, how are you this morning?
Cate: Honestly, I’m suffering from major FOMO. All my friends went to Kweder last night, and I stayed in so I'd be physically prepared to wake up for this OCR interview scheduled for 8 a.m. on a fucking Wednesday.
Interviewer: Well, you know, I am sorry to hear that. So... what piqued your interest in this position at The Consulting & Company Group?
Cate: TBH, this is one of the only jobs that would make NYC affordable. All my friends are moving to NYC next year, and if I don't move there, that would be like the most major FOMO. Don't give me that look, I’m serious. Plus even though I’ve heard consulting is generally soulless, it’s not as soulless as I–banking. I also missed all the I–banking deadlines.
Interviewer: Interesting, interesting, yes. Moving on then, would you choose a price–based costing or value–based costing strategy for a laser printer and why?
Cate: Wow, this sounds like one of those questions I was supposed to prepare for by "casing," but all of my two attempts at casing turned into wine & whines with my srat sisters. So I'm going to go with cost–based pricing because those are my initials: Caitlin Bethany Printzer. Also, like just call it a printer, they're all laser printers now. You're welcome for that pro tip. Wow, I’d make such a good consultant.
Interviewer: Uh, well, we will take that into account in the future. And what would you say are your greatest weaknesses?
Cate: Probably my tendency to overcommit to too many BYOs. And then I'm like trying to uber from Chinatown to Rittenhouse on Thursday during peak hours and it's like surge prices AF.
Interviewer: Not quite sure what that was, I think maybe I'll skip the strengths question. And where do you see yourself five years from now?
Cate: Probably sitting in another interview just like this one where I continue to talk entirely out of my ass, and still get hired because you know my parents.