DJ 3Lau

So, you’re gonna act all uninformed at first, like, “Oh—DJ Three–Lau, who the hell is that?” And trick your friends into thinking that you don’t know how to say his (her? LOL another good joke!) name by dropping “DJ Bee–Lau”on them. You’ll seem so informed because at first you faked them out like you didn’t know stuff, but now you do know stuff. Comedy! 

Take someone’s virginity and then murder them while chanting “It’s all about how you love me,” as a totally dope ode to the music video of 3Lau’s #1 hit.

Correct anyone who tries to say a DJ’s name without first addressing them as “DJ.” It’s incredibly rude to not refer to DJs by their proper title. Someone is reminiscing about Kygo? No. They’re reminiscing about DEE–JAY Kygo. Damn straight. Make sure DJ B–Lau gets his respect


Chance The Rapper

Make a lot of references to eating candy on Sundays. Constantly say stuff like, “Man, I always crave Snickers on Sundays, ya know what I mean, man?” Say “man” twice to suggest how chill you are, just like Chance, and then wink. Also explain that you’re #1 Fling hangover food is Sweet Tarts. Do not shut the fuck up about how healing Sweet Tarts are.

Transcend knowledge about Chance the Rapper, and instead live his life motto. Roofie all of your friends by spiking their Fling Brunch Punch and then chant, “Dude, all my friends are wasted.”

 Hire Donnie Wahlberg to follow you around with a trumpet and then talk about how you befriended Chance’s back up band. Comment that they are surprisingly hip despite their age. Also, make sure Donnie knows the Arthur theme song.

Smoke joints in public spaces during Fling. Explain that you smoked with Chance the last time he played at Penn, in 2013, and that he told you he’d meet up with you the next time he was at Penn. He said he’d look for "the cool motherfucker holding the J." That’s you, buddy, that’s you.


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