“She Comes First” by clinical sexologist Ian Kerner is a guide to administering oral sex to women. We had two Penn students read it. Here are their responses:
Male student, C '17
I’ve always been a big fan of going down on girls. I mean, first of all, it’s fun, and not just for the one getting the service. Unless you’re some kind of sociopath, giving someone else pleasure should bring you some pleasure too. And from a selfish standpoint, it gives you leverage for the next time you forget her cat Terrence’s birthday, or forget that Terrence died and you asking about how Terrence is doing just opened the floodgates and you’re now fighting at the self–checkout kiosk at FroGro about a joke you made six months ago at her family’s house in Long Island, as the lady who keeps the line in order and puts stickers on your bigger items looks on in amusement. And even if it’s with a one–night stand or someone you don’t know that well, it doesn’t hurt. Well, if it hurts you’re doing it wrong. Try reading the book right–side up this time.
So when I got asked to read She Comes First write about it, at first I had no idea how I was going to talk about this for 500 words. It seems kinda obvious—if you want to make sure the girl you’re with has a good time, you go down. But this past weekend, one thing led to another and I had the perfect opportunity to do some, uh, field research. After all, this isn’t the kind of study where you can do the MKTG212 thing and post a Google form in your year’s Facebook group with sliding scales on how your peers and acquaintances feel about getting their girl parts licked (though that would probably either be the best thing posted in the group since the unintentionally cringe–inducing roommate classified ads, or it would just get lost in a sea of failed startup plugs and lame GBMs giving out pizza). I was with a girl I had just met and wanted to get out there and see if Dr. Ian Kerner had finally done what Steve Carell’s character in Dinner for Schmucks couldn’t—find the clitoris.
So I went down. A lot. I went down for so long that she started asking me why I was going down so much. For the love of science and investigative journalism, I had to play it cool and not let my cover get blown (chuckle). But without giving too much info out, it definitely worked. Dr. Kerner is absolutely on to something, and if you’re a guy who doesn’t eat girls out, you’re doing it wrong. I don’t really know what other guys do in bed, because locker room talk is mostly posturing and dick–measuring contests, but if they aren’t going down every time, they’re fucking up. For once, everyone wins. #Im(Down)WithHer.
Female Student, C '19
It’s always seemed strange to me that the platitude “ladies first” becomes irrelevant as soon as you enter the bedroom. And Dr. Ian Kerner, the author of She Comes First, feels the same way. I suggest that everyone with sex organs read this book. And I more than suggest—nay, command—that heterosexual men read this book. It should be a required pledge task for every fraternity. To put it simply, it is an instructional manual to oral sex that preaches that cunnilingus is not foreplay but coreplay. Basically, it is the holy–grail–treasure–chest–pot–of–gold vaginas. Some of its best lines include, “Take one lick for man, one giant lick for womankind,” and, “Vive la vulva!” Its information is thoroughly researched, scientifically backed and legibly communicated. It’s equal parts academic, interpersonal and witty. It’s every bit as important as The Bible except that, instead of making you feel guilty about God, it makes you become a GOD in the bedroom.
Early on in the book Kerner informs us that the male–centric view of sex we are all so familiar with is actually a relatively new phenomenon in human history—it wasn’t introduced until in the 18th century! He quotes Science Journalist Natalie Angier, saying “The ancients also saw no difference between men’s and women’s capacity for sexual pleasure and the necessity of the female orgasm for conception.” Can you imagine that?! No jackhammer. No, “Babe, was that good for you?” immediately followed by soft snoring?! The female orgasm was believed to be essential for conception! Can you imagine how many orgasms Camilla Belle had in 10,000 BCE?!
Unfortunately, this (wet) dream world was not to last. As Rebecca Chalker laments in The Clitoral Truth, “By Victorian times, the orgasm, which was previously accepted as a natural component of women’s sexual repertoire, was seen as unnecessary, unseemly and perhaps even unhealthy for women.” How unfair.
She Comes First il–lust–rates (get it) many of its main points with in–depth diagrams that make you feel like you’re reading Vaginas for Dummies. I have a vagina of my own, and even I learned new things about it! One of my favorite bits was learning that G–spot orgasms (which are the bomb) and clitoral orgasms (which are the bomb dot com) are actually versions of the same thing. The “G–spot” is actually part of the clitoral network, and is referred to in this book as the “clitoral cluster.” I learned about female ejaculation, “How Wet is Wet?”, and so much more.
I won’t spoil the secret of administering oral sex to females. You all need to read this and learn for yourselves (@my ex @sexually selfish fuckbois). Not only does Kerner walk you through the actual process of administering oral and the 18 parts of the clitoris, but he has pages of ideas for other types of foreplay as well as tips for things as basic as the proper position for actually giving and receiving oral sex for maximum blood flood to the pelvic area (hint: It’s not 69 or her straddling your face). You won’t regret reading She Comes First, because, as my homeboy Dr. Kerner puts it, “From the conservative to the liberal, women of all stripes love cunnilingus.” And it’s my suspicion that men of all stripes love being cited as “the best I’ve ever had.”