1. Developed interpersonal skills

What you really mean: Learned to stop hissing when people approached you asking where the bathroom was, who you were and why the company had hired a cat to intern.


2. Held leadership positions

You’ve never owned a ship!


3. Proficient at Excel

Once figured out how to sort things alphabetically but has long forgotten. Can Google “How to sort things alphabetically in Excel” though!


4. Relevant coursework

Advanced pottery is relevant to something.


5. Special skills

Can assemble a snack between Netflix episodes without even pausing.


6. Not a serial killer

Not not a serial killer


7. Find me on LinkedIn

You’ve given up.


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