1.  You can FINALLY get lunch with Julie. Julie has been begging you for lunch for weeks. You see her on Locust Walk as you’re running to "Sex and Human Nature" and she literally always asks you for lunch plans. But you always get to say no because you’re too busy. Now you’re not too busy. Sucks. 


  2. Do a "Sex and Human Nature" reading. You said you joined this class to fulfill requirements even though we KNOW you joined it to SABS, but still, shouldn’t you get something from this three–hour time suck? Also while you’re at it, consider reading your oceanography textbook.


  3. You can start applying for internships for summer 2018. So you didn’t get the job at Bain this time around, but you still think you really deserved it over that M&T kid. Start networking now and bump up your QuakerNet profile while you’re at it. Remember to include the time that you were a camp counselor because it shows your diversity of experience but also that you’re Jewish.


  4. Clean. Even though your mom says that the brown stuff eroding your toilet and sink isn’t normal, you think it’s just been adding a splash of color to your surroundings. Invest in a cleany thingy from CVS and like scrub or whatever.


  5. Cry. This happens every time you’re alone with your thoughts. UGH. It’s amazing what you realize about yourself when you are not drunk. Just remember: It’s okay that you don’t know what you want to do with your life even though everyone around you does and while you’re still young you need experience to get experience so it’s pretty much too late for you anyway also you want to do Teach for America but like Wall Street will help you provide for your family but like you don’t want to be that Penn student but also you might as well.


  6. Start Game of Thrones. It’s okay that you haven’t been watching. You understand that Winter is Coming but you have no freaking idea what it means because it really just sounds like a calendar observation. Also calling your parents to find out your HBO GO password will make them feel needed and you co–dependent! Win–win.


  7. Have a seance. You laugh at them, but you’re also hella intrigued. Also it’s always an answer in one of these stupid lists.


  8. Watch the Penn–Princeton Game. You have a wayyyy better shot of actually watching the game here than you would have had there. And by watching the game I mean girls sitting in a fraternity pretending they’re interested because the guys always think it’s SO hot when like, “girls know sports.”


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