MTV Cribs: Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom

She's got marble and torment for days.


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Hey MTV, welcome to Hogwarts' hottest Mudblood mansion. Myrtle can’t communicate with Muggles, so I’ll do the talking for her! 

Located on the first floor the main building of Hogwarts, this gray–stone masterpiece is a cornerstone of neo–Wiccan design, ornate enough for even the most depressed of specters. 

Moaning Myrtle has been living large in this witchy washroom since she was killed by Tom Riddle and his basilisk in 1943. She first happened upon this prime piece of real estate after Olive Hornby teased her about her glasses and acne. Myrtle sulked off  and selected the regal third bathroom stall as her master bedroom to occupy for perpetuity. Talk about a find!

This haunted hunny decided the place was move in ready, and only made a few temporary changes where she saw fit. Whether it be flooding the sinks when an ignorant ginger student tries to flush a Horcrux down the drain or running a bath for male students trying to decipher clues from the Triwizard Tournament, she is a mistress of exibility with a pad that is able to accommodate all sorts of crowds in no time. 

It’s the perfect homebase for her to spy on students showering, or to hop over to other bathrooms to harass male students. The details on this place would make you cry! Myrtle loves to entertain, and she decided on a circular set of marble slab sinks that are just perfect for communal washing. It really opens up the space, and is perfect for letting out the basilisk or accessing the Chamber of Secrets when her guests are feeling frisky.

And this gal is a utilitarian minimalist if I ever saw one! Take notes, Ikea. She sprung for the metal grate floors to catch all the water during her raucous bath parties, which perfectly matches the metalwork diamond pattern in the windows. Is her window treatment for security or a nod to tasteful cheesegrater window bars? You decide! It beautifully filters all of the natural lighting into a checkerboard pattern that really elevates the gloom of the space. 

And don’t even get me started on that stonework! The rocky arches could make hunchbacks cry. But enough about the masonry, the real feature of this pad is the is the multiplicity of stalls. You too can stay momentarily in an enclosed space just like Myrtle’s sumptuous master bedroom until she scares you out or says something oddly sexual. Simply ravishing!


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