Dear Mr. Trump,
My name is Laura Tinsley, and I am a junior in the College studying Political Science with a concentration in National Destruction at the University of Pennsylvania. Go Quakers! I found your information on QuakerNet, and I saw that you work in the field I want to go into. I thought I might reach out for some advice.
Last summer, I interned for my father's hedge fund, which I loved even though I had no qualifications to get the job. Even so, I still got it, and I also got to help people fuck around with money. From what I've read in the Penn Gazette, it seems like you and I are pretty similar! This summer, however, I'm really looking to push myself even further.
I am currently fulfilling my minor in Russian, so I would love to hear your opinion on whether or not I should go abroad there. I just applied for the Penn–in–Moscow summer espionage program, which I see you have funded! I was hoping you might actually be able to write me a recommendation. I know I'm really Putin myself out there.
Overall, I'm really just looking for general advice about how to become a democratically–elected dictator. If you do have any time to talk, or even tweet, I would really appreciate it. Hope the White House is as fun as the Quad!
Photo credit: Creative Commons/ Gage Skidmore