I totally woke up with a fever and can’t make it to class. Can you sign me in please? 

It’s a Friday 9 a.m. class that takes attendance. You’ve woken up with a fever every Friday for the past month. I’m sorry, your body has not contracted an illness that gives you a fever at precisely this time, on this day of the week, every week. You’re hungover and didn’t want to leave your cozy bed and attempt to look semi–presentable for your class. Set your alarm for an earlier time next Friday. 


I’m completely over them. They’re so annoying, and I deserve better. 

Did you respond when they texted you asking if you were out? That’s what we thought. It’s okay, keep convincing yourself you’re over it and hopefully after a year or so, it’ll actually be true. Playing Dua Lipa’s “New Rules” may or may accelerate this process. 


Wait, the curve is so annoying. It’s going to bump me down. 

Honey, you’re the one person in the class who is screwing up the entire average and standard deviation. That one dot all the way on the top right separated from the rest of the clustered dots in the middle of the graph? That. is. you. While you keep collecting your As, everyone else can’t get out of the C-rut, so do not mention the curve anymore. 


I have never felt so stressed. 

Okay, this one may not be a fucking lie. Midterm Season: The Sequel is here, and Highbrow knows you’re ridiculously stressed. We know that even though you make a lot of poor life decisions, you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. Have some faith — you probably got this. 


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