Listings: Penn Events

Learn How to Develop and Sustain Successful Business Relationships Graduate Student Center 3615 Locust Walk Thu, April 3, 2-3 p.m. Free I think Penn students are more or less covered in the business relationship area, if you ask me. Most of us are cold, heartless bastards who would do anything for a buck anyway. What they should do is teach us how to deal with real people. Like, how not to wish it was winter again so people wouldn't be running around all spring happy outside. Or, how to actually maintain a meaningful relationship with another human being without hating them in a week. Now that would be helpful... Yes? Anyone? Anyone? What Do You See When You Look At Me?: A Feminist Exploration of Aging and Sexuality Logan Hall, Room G-17 249 South 36th Street Thu, April 3, 5:30-6:30 p.m. Free How is it that men get more attractive as they get older and women just get gross? That's just not fair. Of course, there are a few exceptions. Look at Marlon Brando. Age has done nothing for him, really. And, oh my god, Bob Dylan used to be kinda hot, and now he looks like he's exponentially decaying as we speak. Then look at Madonna: she looks better than a lot of 20 year olds I know, including myself. I mean, she's hot. Good for you, Maddy. You give me hope. Simply Chaos Stand-up Show Houston Hall 100, Bodek Lounge Fri, April 4, 8-10 p.m. $7 So what did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator? "Close the door, I'm dressing." Ha. That's a great one, huh? I have a whole bunch more, including a really dirty one that you will never forget. Unfortunately, you won't get to hear it because I wouldn't be caught dead doing stand-up. Well, okay, maybe if I was dead and someone pulled a Weekend at Bernie's on me, but that would just be really, really sick. Let's hope for lots of living people at this one. Penny Loafers / Full Measure Spring Show Dunlop Auditorium 36th and Spruce Sat, April 5, 7 p.m. $7 Yes, a capella groups are a little lame, but in these times we must support each other even if other people are lame. I'm kidding... you don't really have to support them. Damn, I'm on a roll. One of them is a Christian group. You think they are going to sing some Creed songs, even though I keep having to remind people that Creed is not a Christian rock band? I know Stapp is full of himself and wears tights pants, but he's from north Florida. He doesn't know any better, but a capella groups sure do. Good for them. Returning a Borrowed Tongue: Annual Barrio Fiesta Cultural Show ARCH Auditorium 3601 Locust Walk (Enter from 36th Street) Sun, April 6, 5 p.m. $7, $10 dos Remember that song "Detachable Penis" from our salad days? Oh, god, was that an awesome, scary song. Somehow, in my mind, I always think of that song and the "Blue" song at the same time, which makes no sense, because they are from completely different time periods. Still, I think of a blue detachable penis when I think of that song. Maybe it's because of blue balls or something. Anyway, when I see the phrase "borrowed tongue" I think of "detachable penis." Word association -- always fun in the sun. Off the Beat's Spring Show: ...Thank you for listening us Harrison Auditorium UPenn Anthropology Museum (33rd and Spruce) Fri & Sat, April 4 & 5, 8pm $7 on Locust Walk or at the door Yes, another a cappella listing. But I can justify this one, since this is the one a cappella group that I actually hear consistently good things about. So much so, that perhaps this listing is unnecessary. Maybe they should just rely on word-of-mouth. It seems to be working. I think...