Listings: Arts

Exploring Alaska: Treasures From the Ewell Sale Stewart Library Academy of Natural Sciences 1900 Ben Franklin Parkway April 17 - June 15, 10 a.m. - 4:30 p.m. $9 (215) 299-1000 My boyfriend tried to convince me to go to Alaska. He said we could go camping. It would be lots of fun. I've been in a tent, buddy. When it's cold all you can feel is the last bits of your frozen ass. Anyway, so then we decided to go to Hawaii -- but I'm poor so that didn't work out. So then we decided on San Fran. A hostel was our best bet for cheap living, but that also means no sex. I win! Emperor's New Clothes J.C.C.'s Klein Branch Theatre 10100 Jamison Avenue Thu-Sun, April 17-27, Various Times $9 (215) 698-7300 The emperor got his new clothes and is now happy to be fully donned in the most fitting attire. If you enjoy the same Hans Christian Anderson fairy tales that your mother recited to you in your youth, these folk will induce sleeping sickness as well. At least there are no tse-tse flies to pierce your epidermal membranes, but it will indulge the most wild of your latent stage fantasies. Scab Adrienne Theatre 2030 Sansom Street April 17 - April 20, 8 p.m. $15-$18 (215) 563-4330 When I was 10, I was in a bicycle accident where I rode over a rock and flew off of the bike in the middle of the street. Needless to say there was major drama, and lots of blood because of the huge scrape on my arm. After that, I got the scab from hell. And you know I wanted to pick it, but every time my mom saw me she would slap me in the back of the head and tell me it was never going to go away if I kept picking at it. I hope this play isn't anything like that. Make Your Own Potpourri Please Touch Museum 210 North 21st Street Sat, April 19, 10 a.m. $8.95 (215) 963-0666 www.pleasetouchmuseum.com Potpourri makes me sneeze, but not quite as much as that damn Glade Scent Plug-in that my roommate put in our room last year. I think maybe she has lost her sense of smell because seriously not only did it make me sneeze, but it was vanilla scent. Who the hell wants their room to smell like vanilla? That air freshener was vomit inducing, almost as much as that damn pet rat that she had. The key word there being "almost." What's Opera Doc? Prince Music Theater 1412 Chestnut Street Sat, April 19, 2 p.m. & 7 p.m. $20 www.princemusictheater.org Hey hey hey. Oops, I did it again! OK, enough references to a fat 80s star and a pop star who may or may not be a whore. This is something sweet. I like some sarcasm, irreverence and violence in my cartoons. Come on, who can say that they don't like Bugs Bunny?! He's such a jerk. He reminds me of this boy who shall remain nameless with the most evil smile and the most obnoxious laugh. Anyway, every guy I know thinks Babs Bunny is hot. Well if Bugs Bunny were hot I'd say so -- but stop being perverts, boys. Easter Promenade South Street Sun, April 20, 12:30 p.m. Free (215) 413-3713 The Easter bunnies will be out in full force to distribute sumptuous chocolate treats imported from Switzerland. Although none of the original New Testament figures will be present to reenact the resurrection, South Philly locals should be a plenty. I hear that this event is nearly as scandalous as Mardi Gras, save for the immense beatdowns that the pigs unleash on innocent partygoers and the thrown glass bottles and overall drunkenness. Expect some pious suburbanites as well as gothic pierced-out freak shows exalting their faith in the J-man. Buddhist Meditation Group William Way Community Center 1315 Spruce Street Mon, April 21, 6-7:30 p.m. Free (215) 732-2220 When I was in the seventh grade we went on a field trip to a Japanese restaurant and my friends dared me to chug some sushi. I haven't been able to eat sushi since. Anyway, there was this Buddha outside the restaurant and after we ate, we all went outside and rubbed the Buddha's belly and chanted "Buddha, Buddha, Buddha," for luck. I think everyone thought we were a little too old to do stupid things like that. Either way, I want to rub Buddha's belly again, so I am all about going to this meditation group.