Listings: Arts/Culture

Lecture: Catherine Edelman Gallery of Contemporary Photography CBS Auditorium 320 South Broad Street Thu, April 24, 1 p.m. Free Contemporary art in general often misses the mark. When I hear that artists want me, the interpreter, to relive the creation process when I experience their work, I typically shirk the responsibility bestowed upon me. Mobb Deep says that there's no thing as half-way crooks, but they certainly don't fall prey to the sappy contemporary bull excrement craze. Theft in the artistic realm constitutes a wholehearted avoidance of the artist's natural duty. Seems to me this deprives society of what it pays for when patrons elicit the muses to create more than purple polka dots on a white canvas. Piffaro Trinity Center for Urban Space 739 North 25th Street Fri, April 26, 8 p.m., Sat, April 27, 2:30 p.m. $15 (215)235-8469 Oh dip! Another mime is coming to our school. Kickass! Unfortunately, homeboy is going to be surrounded by some Rennaissance band on a "whimsical tour." This is going to be like one of those festivals where everyone is dressed up in Rennaissance outfits with English accents. How doofy do they do look? I hope they get paid lots of money. The other night in fact I saw some guy working at one of the festivals with what I swear was an Australian accent. He looked a little confused. An Evening of Political Puppetry Spiral Q Puppet Theater 3114 Spring Garden Street Thu, April 25, 8 p.m., 10 p.m. $10 (215) 222-6979 So now puppetry has gone even farther cutting into the realm of politics. Interesting. So are they going to do something original... like make fun of Bush. Inside sources tell me this is going to suck just like other puppetry presentations. I'm surprised. I thought this would be as interesting as quilting or family puppetry. Scandalous like Adult Puppetry. Beat the Donkey Painted Bride Art Center 230 Vine Street Sat, April 26, 7 p.m., 9 p.m. $25 (215) 925-9914 www.paintedbride.org Although I have never owned a horse or donkey, I can be nearly certain that I would engage in no extreme violent or sexual behavior with one. The trend toward bestiality these days clearly does not make the man in the sky too happy, and it historically has resulted in the death of a fabulous Russian Czarina. Beat the Donkey, however, is a bizarre 10-piece entertainment music ensemble comprised of creatively supreme percussionists. Word on the street is that they beat many things on stage during their shows. Bridesmaids' Masquerade Ball Shops at Liberty Place 1625 Chestnut Street Sat, April 26, 9 p.m. $65 (215) 851-9055 You know how they say "Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride?" Well, who they hell is "they" anyway? I'm not going to say I don't fear the bridesmaid curse, but by the looks of it, none of my friends will be getting married any time soon (or at least we should hope so), and even if they do, they won't be happy marriages. Somehow I think that keeps me safe. Like if the marriage doesn't work out, that breaks the curse right? It'll be like I was never a bridesmaid at all. Anyway, masquerade ball... how very Cinderella of them. Miami City Ballet Academy of Music 1420 Locust Street April 26-27, 2 p.m. and 8 p.m. (215) 893-1999 My mom's friend's daughter used to dance for the Miami City Ballet, and one year she was going to be in their yearly Nutcracker show. So, my mom drags me to the damn show, and midway through I was so unbelievably bored that I started throwing little pieces of paper at people to see if they would stay in their hair. Then, I found out that my mom's friend's daughter was playing the part of one of the rats in the play, and that made the whole evening worthwhile. Great stuff, M.C.B. Don't be fooled by the name of the group, though -- Hispanics can dance ballet, they just do it with bigger hips. Lecture: John Freyer-Photographer and Internet Artist Connelly Lecture Hall 211 South Broad Street Wed, April 30, 1 p.m. Free I'm not really sure what an internet artist is, but I would like to assume that it has something to do with porn. Not because I love porn or anything, but because how funny would it be if this guy had something to do with internet porn? It may just be that I have porn in the brain because of that whole scandal with the library guy here at Penn. Drama. But, not as much drama as is apparently going on with the DP board. That's what happens when people spend too much time together. Hormone city. University of the Arts (School of the Dance) Commonwealth Plaza 260 Broad Street Wed, April 30, 5 p.m. Free A free dance event? What could be better than that? Not even adult puppetry kicks dancing's ass. I find that dance can be an art, but it can also be a mistake. (Meaning all you Penn people dancing at parties, drunk. You're awful. See I'm not saying I can dance but that's why I don't do it. When I'm drunk though you can definitely get me doing things I would never do. No examples, thank you. Dancing though... never. OK, always! But I don't like that dirty dancing feeling in the morning.