Elev8ed Thursdaysbr> Eighth Floor 800 Delray Street Thu, 8 p.m., $12 (215) 922-1000 http://www.8thfloor.com
What could be more enjoyable than getting all gussied up to try to hook up with high schoolers using their fake IDs to get in da club? Could it be a Latin area and a hip-hop area? Maybe, it's that you are so utterly shitfaced and rollin' on E that the plant you are talking to looks like Salma Hayek. Maybe it's a cool place to find your next ex. Maybe you should find out for yourself, you sick drug-riddled donkey-punching child molester!
Finger Lickin with Cosmo Baker 700 Club 700 N. Second Street Thu, 9 p.m., Free (215) 413-3181
When I think of finger licking, I can think of only two natural contexts: what I have to do after eating a sloppy, down-home, tub of congealed pig lard and what I have to do after cunnilingus. At no point would I ever consider licking Cosmo's finger or anything else, but it might be something fun to do. Actually, I think this place is a club, so you could probably dance with him and touch his wang. Cool.
Hip Hop and Old School Thursdays with Rubix Qube Evolution 1517 N. Delaware Avenue Thu, 10 p.m., $10; Free for women before midnight (215) 634-0100
What was Rubix thinking when he Qube'd himself into the most hardcore poor spelling of his name? Seriously, that guy might be a thug or a Blood or something to that order, but any guy that can't spell gets an F in my book. I'm all for your free expression and whatever, kinda. Unfortunately, you are contributing to the ignorance of our country and I hold you solely responsible for our children's inability to read. I really just hate you.
