Nebula North Star Bar 2639 Poplar Street Thu, 10 p.m., $10 (215) 684-0808 http//www.northstarbar.com
Ex-Fu Manchu band members bring stoner rock to your favorite bar on that street. He said, he said, 'Weird... beard.' They wish they had written that gem but instead fell off the bandwagon to produce "space metal" - a trippier, more aired-out version of Fu Manchu. I've been listening to these guys for about five minutes and I already feel like a Kottonmouth King. I guess it's good that they are playing at a bar. Bearded!
Swing Shift Jazz Band University Square 36th Street, between Sansom and Walnut Thu, 5 p.m., Free
I've tried my entire musical life to like jazz. The smokey lounges, the suave attire, the women in cocktail dresses: all these appeal to me. I've recently come to the conclusion that I'm just not cool enough to like jazz. It comes deep from within the soul, a nether region of the spirit that I just don't have. I'm probably the only one who pays a cover to get into the club. Luckily, the Swing Shift Jazz Band is playing on the street, so no secret handshake is required.
Alligator Zydeco Warmdaddys 4 S. Front St. Thu, 8 p.m., $5 (215) 627-2500
Do you even think this band knows what Zydeco means? Everything is zydeco nowadays, even stale bread. At least they got the alligator part right. The Discovery Channel says alligators are one of the most zydeco creatures on the face of the planet. Number two was the domesticated cat. But PETA isn't too happy because supposedly the band misused the alligator skins as guitar straps. They're for shoes and purses, silly, not guitar straps.
Randy Newman McCarter Theater Center for the Performing Arts 91 University Place Princeton, N.J. Fri, 8 p.m., $30-$40 (609) 258-2787
Let's face it: there really isn't anything funny about Randy Newman except maybe the fact that he's 1 for 16 in Oscar winnings. He's a jolly old man who sings about friends and playing under rainbows. Sounds like classic symptoms of pedophilia to me. But hey, shit happens. On a less illegal note, Randy's all about having a good old-fashioned time. So fix yourself a bowl and get your time warp on.
Edwin McCain Trocadero 1003 Arch St. Fri, 8 p.m., $16.00 (215) 922-LIVE http://www.thetroc.com
Do you like trite lyrics sung to cacophonous melodies by brutally ugly singer/songwriters? Did your Dawson's Creek soundtrack get scratched and you need to get your fix? Or, more likely, has watching your Kangaroo Jack DVD while inebriated lost its novelty? Well, looks like you guys could not ask for more, because contrary to public rumors/desires, Edwin McCain actually never was ravaged by a 300-pound gorilla named Peanut Butter, and will be playing at the Trocadero this Friday at 8 pm. And all this time we thought he was living on only in memory via covers on American Idol.
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club Theater of Living Arts 334 South Street Fri, 9 p.m., $14.50-$16.50 (215) 922-1011 http://www.theateroflivingarts.net
Whatever happened to my rock and roll? And by rock and roll, the BRMC means Jesus and Mary Chain. The band is touring for the release of their new album, Take Them on, On Your Own. Even if they are not entirely original (or remotely), their trademark distorted-guitar sound could be a lot worse. Hype withstanding, the band could sound like Edwin McCain backed by Mister Mister and a kazoo. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore; I think that much is clear.
Take Action Tour: Further Seems Forever / Dillinger Escape Plan Electric Factory 421 N. 7th Street Fri, 7:30 p.m., $16.00-$18.00 (215) 569-9400 http://www.electricfactory.com
Yep, nothing says rock like a bunch of third or fourth wave mall-friendly emo bands and old washed-up metalcore outfits joining together and going on tour. Although this show does benefit a good cause -- the national hopeline network for suicide prevention -- the only thing most of these bands contribute to is the promotion of mesh hats and nautical star belt buckles sales at Hot Topic. Though there are a few excellent groups on the bill -- Black Cross and These Arms Are Snakes -- none are playing Philly. Instead, we are treated to painfully banal and insultingly sweet shit like Taking Back Sunday.
SOMEGIRLS North Star 2639 W. Poplar Street Sat, 9 p.m., $13, 21+ (215) 684-0808 http://www.northstarbar.com
You, or your cousin's friend of a friend listened to her back in junior high. (And that was because your best friend's hot older brother was into the Lemonheads.) But, she's back again, and she's got company. Three chicks in a rock band? Every little drummer boy's fantasy. But three feminists in a rock band? You're livin' the riot grrrl fantasy! Okay, so Juliana Hatfield has been scouring college greens for the past decade. Has she tired of the frat-style? You betcha! She and her posse are moving on to bigger and better things "Fairmont's original neighborhood bar," baby! Happy picketing, all!
COLLEGE DAY ON THE PARKWAY W/ BUSTA AND SUNKEN SHIPS WEST Benjamin Franklin Parkway From September 20 through 28 Sat, 3 p.m. - 9 p.m., Free http://www.campusphilly.org/collegefestival/schedule.html
Do your friends think that they are too cool for you, stockpiling VX-nerve gas and eating paint chips? Well, that is pretty cool, but you might also have something to do for about a week. Busta Rhymes and Sunken Ships West - two famous groups of thugz - celebrate college, even though they never attended. This orgy of good times kicks off at 3 p.m. with a free concert and Busta's tradition spitfire, "gimme some mo' " vibe. Then go back to the normalcy of your daily glue-sniffing, you crazy banshee!
The Bouncing Souls / My Chemical Romance Electric Factory 421 North 7th Street Sat, 8:30 p.m., $14 (215) 569-9400 http://www.electricfactory.com
Bands these days hate to be labeled "emo." It evokes all the wrong feelings from would-be fans, who quickly dismiss the band with a sharp, "Quit whining you baby!" The Bouncing Souls and My Chemical Romance are not "emo," but rather a distinct derivative called "screamo." Think of what would happen if Dashboard did less crying and did more fighting. He'd still have too many tattoos for the music he makes, but you get the point. Plus, you can tell the guys in the locker room you like them without getting towel-snapped.
The Iguanas North by Northwest 7165 Germantown Ave. Sat, 10 p.m., $15 (215) 248-1000
Between the years of '99 and '01, I had a pet lizard named Prince Scalesworth the Third. There was never a Prince Scalesworth I or II, but the look on his face screamed royalty. He enjoyed being cradled and fed from a bottle and I loved him as dearly as he would allow. Sadly, in March of '01, an unfortunate incident with a crow took Scalesworth from my life. To fill the void, I started listening to The Iguanas. The music can't bring him back, but at least he knows I miss him. R.I.P. Scaley.
