Comedy/Nudity

Dena Blizzard: Comedy Cabaret Best Western Hotel 11580 Roosevelt Boulevard Fri, 9:30 p.m., $15 (215) 676-5653 http://www.comedycabaret.com While he was confused and all cranked up on crystal meth, some local yokel could only say this about Dena Blizzard: "Is she making fun of Dairy Queen? Hmm... no... I have no idea what's going on." Since I don't really know anything about this woman, it is clearly going to require me to get drunk before I finish this. I'll be back in a few hours. Okay, that's better. Let me tell you a little something about Miss Dena Blizzard: she smells like onions. More importantly, why is there a homeless man in a Superman outfit sleeping on my sofa? What I Like About Jew Doc Watson's Pub 216 S. 11th Street Sat, 8 p.m., $6, 21+ (215) 922-3427 http://www.docwatsons.net The WB is airing a new show (of course it's new -- they all get canceled in six months) starring Jennie Garth and Amanda Bynes, called What I Like About You. As much as I'd like the show at Doc Watson's Pub to be a Jewish spin-off starring Natalie Portman and Winona Ryder (yes, even Winona is Jewish), I don't think my wildest fantasy will come true. Nonetheless, this night of four hilarious and satirical songwriters is sure to tickle your fancy. Just cross your fingers and hope that Queen Amidala attends. TOPS OFF! Woody's 202 S. 13th Street Fri, 11 p.m. - 2 a.m (215) 545-1893 I honestly set out to make a pun about how this child's toy -- the top -- could be a reference to women taking their clothes off. I was appalled to learn that, in fact, every Friday night the "buff bartenders and private dancers" show about half of their goods to customers. Now that I know the truth I'm going to burn books outside their door and hope those pornographers take a good hard look at what they're doing.