Chowder/Clubs/Culture

Chowder Oleary's Ale House 7254 Castor Avenue Fri, 9:30 p.m., Free You look like you could use a heaping bowl of Chow-daaaar. Unfortunately, there's nothing but ale here. Nothing but some band, named Chowder, and a whole mess of beer-holic wonderment. Maybe they'll have mercy on you and get you some bar food. Maybe they'll rock out so hard that you forget your hunger. And just maybe, you might consider pregaming with a little Wawa so that you aren't so hungry. What were you thinking, little one? Be smart! Chemistry Ladies Night Chemistry 4100 Main Street Sat, 9 p.m.-2 a.m., $5 (215) 483-4100 A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. He attempts to hand over the five dollar bill when the bartender replies, "For you, no charge!" Chemistry is radioactive, indeed. Don't forget your molecular models and alcohol groups for some hardcore hydrogen bonding with your fellow club compounds. Uncertainty Principle, my ass; be everywhere and anywhere, sharing electrons with the desirable men of the lanthanide and actinide series. So much kinetic motion, ooohh baby. Countdown to Eternity African American Museum 701 Arch Street Daily, 10:30 a.m.-5:30 p.m. (215) 574-0380 There's a lot of uncertainty in this day and age. The epic battle between ketchup and catsup, potato and potahto, and the most recent strife between caramel and karmel. If there's one statement everyone can agree upon, it would have to be, "Martin Luther King, Jr. is the straight-up man." To celebrate the 40th anniversary of the dream everyone loves, the African American Museum is displaying Benedict J. Fernandez's photographs of the great leader. Go there and get your museum on. Please Touch Playhouse: There's Something Under My Bed! Please Touch Museum 210 N. 21st Street (215) 963-0666 http://www.pleasetouchmuseum.org There were no descriptions of this exhibit on the Please Touch Museum's website so I am forced to make one up: "There's Something under My Bed is a wondrous show loosely based on the movie Casino. It's a magical account of the Nixon presidency set in 14th century Mexico and acted out by ducks dressed like beatniks. This four hour lighthearted experience has it all: pyrotechnics, monkey butlers, and goat's milk -- for some very lucky boys and girls! You'll leave fully enlivened, and in the mood to fuck all night long! Note: those sitting in the first three rows will get wet!" TastyKake and Americanized Contemporary Paintings More Gallery 1630 Walnut Street Through Nov. 1, 10 a.m.-5:30 p.m., Free (215) 735-1827 http://www.moregallery.com Tastykakes? Dude, how excited were you when you got them in your lunch back in third grade. I say you, because my tyrant-wench of a mother only packed carrot sticks and protein drinks in my bag. I've had the last laugh, though, because now I'm big and strong, and regularly steal Tastykakes from little kids. So this is a display of paintings of them? Sounds like the continuation of the pop art trend started by Warhol's Brillo Boxes in the sixties. I wonder if Warhol ever ate Tastykakes. If I ever saw him walking down the street with them in hand, I'd steal them. Of course, I cannot, because he's dead now... likely buried up to his head in those sweet, deliciously creamy snacks. Antonio Grimaldi: Only In My Dreams Philadelphia Art Alliance -- Satellite Gallery 210 W. Rittenhouse Square All week, 11 a.m.-5 p.m., $5 Suggested Donation (215) 545-4302 So, maybe I'm a little different than y'all. I only dream of hookers, beer and hookers, and Jim Beam and hookers. Mr. Grimaldi was lucky enough to put his dreams -- mostly of cigarettes and hookers -- into reality. This Italian stallion is displaying a bunch of his stuff in this thing called a gallery. Oh, I guess you are gonna be all refined now and go see it. Yeah, that's about your speed. Nice. Surface Tension Fabric Workshop And Museum 1315 Cherry Street, Fifth Floor All week, 12 p.m.-4 p.m., Free (215) 568-1111 It's nervous, but on the surface this workshop looks calm and ready to drop bombs. But, it keeps on forgetting what it wrote down. The whole crowd goes so loud, it opens its mouth, but the words won't come out. Hold up! Before anyone chokes, let's take the time to introduce you to the concept of tension. See, it's when you feel like this Guide will never end, and it just makes you mad. Yay, yay! I'm gonna see Air Bud with ten of my friends. Yay, yay! Now you go! Charles Fahlen: Unexplained Mysteries Locks Gallery 600 S. Washington Square Thu, 10 a.m.-6 p.m., Free (215) 629-1000 Some things I just can't grasp. I don't understand. It's really beyond me. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? Why do my lesbian neighbors have to be so loud? And why is it that every morning I can hear a guy hacking and coughing so piercingly loud it wakes me up? Just swallow, buddy. If you're searching for answers to questions like these in this crazy stew of life, maybe you have to stir a little harder. Charles Fahlen seems to have it figured out though, so I guess the real question becomes: Who the hell is Charles Fahlen? Mint Pop: Lichtenstein, Johns, Warhol, Katz Schmidt Dean Gallery 1710 Sansom Street Fri, 10:30 a.m.-6 p.m. (215) 569-9433 Roy and Andy and those other guys were definitely visionaries. I love how they became famous for blow-up pictures of comics and soup cans. I eat gallons of soup, and I take tons of pictures of my soup, too. Sometimes I feel like I'm lost and swimming in a big spoonful of soup with carrots and celery. And it's my job to watch out for the peas because otherwise I'll lose thirty points. I have a deep emotional connection with soup and I don't get any credit. Maybe it's because my name isn't Andy. Campbells for-ev-er. Attack Theater: Multimedia Dance Collaboration with Nibroll University of the Arts, Dance Theater 1512 Spruce Street Fri, 7:30 p.m., Free (215) 717-6110 Walking down the Street wearing my fly Nike Air Jordan's -- with the pump! -- I got jumped by a group of ornery pre-teenagers. They beat me up 'til they broke my nose, three of my ribs, and a couple of my legs. It wasn't that much fun. Attack Theater can simulate the beatdown of a thousand beatdowns without risking your precious, frail frame. This group of only semi-erotic dancers made me so happy that I forget that I got the shit kicked out of me by a few youngins hollering back to Aaron Carter. 2nd Annual DragonBoat Festival Fairmont Park Kelly Drive Sat, 9 a.m.-5 p.m. (215) 685-0000 My two all-time favorite pasttimes include canoeing and dragon hunting. Since my canoe will be painted and laquered to resemble the most fiercesome of all beasts, the consequences of combining my two favorite hobbies could be catastrophic. I didn't read the fine print in the race rules, but I assume that pelting rocks at competing canoes would be deemed illegal. In addition, a little known fact is that I chose Penn over Columbia so that I wouldn't have to face that darn swim test. My favorite dragon-related quote comes from Dragonheart, when Draco says, "I merely chewed in self-defense. I didn't swallow." That line seems oddly familiar now. Philadelphia Cares Day Graduate Student Center 3615 Locust Walk Sat, 10 a.m., Free http://www.upenn.edu/gsc I think it's safe to assume that each and every one of you overachievers was President or Vice-President or Treasurer of your high school National Honor Society. Then you got to Penn and said, "Community whaaaa?" That "whaaaa" is "service," and you have become lazy. Dig into your high school roots and help out Philly Public Schools. There's unbelievably no fee to help, and there's a celebration afterwards. And we all know what happens when you mix 15,000 volunteers at a party, right? Let's just say that "giving" is a preference.