When I walk through campus, I don't see a lot of pretty faces; I see a lot of potential strippers. Big booty hoes and D-cupped boogie-babes amble through Penn's hallowed grounds without even realizing their potential -- to take off dem nasty clothes. With only a little nudging in the right direction, any number of these exhibitionist work-study students could have their legs wrapped 'round a pole. So don't be shy, baby. Rip off your Catholic school garb and get ready for an intriguing look under the 'wears of the many, the proud, the Strippers at Penn.
I know tons of Penn chicks. Ranging in size from the tiniest lass to sumo-wrestling contenders, about a dozen Penn women admitted to me that they pay for school the old-fashioned way -- getting a bunch of greasy old men and riled-up frat boys to fork over cizzash for a peek at the goods. Perfectly safe and effective, exotic dancers let others fill their niche nicely. Many of your classmates spend their nightlives dedicated to more than the pursuit of knowledge, and you could too, if you've got guts and a nice pair. Of jugs, the Romans used many. But I digress.
Rotting away in Marketing and Accounting classes, ruining their posture by slouching in boring lectures, and spending far too much time worrying about "getting a real job," the often-tapped-by-frat-boy asses of Penn's could-be strippers fill up on beer instead of filling up on $1 bills. If Wharton teaches you nothing, let me be the first to call you out. Even if you are straight-up fugly, yet are still willing to bare it all -- then, stop working extra shifts as an ITA, quit your House Office/Info desk post and come out wearing your birthday suit and stilettos. You will make your sisters prouder than when you hooked up with J. from SAE.
This sorority of dedicated teases involves no pledging, and gets to the crux of the issue: you want to be paid for ass. You put out often enough, but you are no prostitute -- that is as below you as anyone could be on a given night. The nerve!
Look around your classes and the evidence will amaze you. The characteristics defined in the Stripper's Handbook: Limited Edition, perused for informational purposes only, make it possible for anyone to truly help make others masters of debate. The arguments in debate won't appear in PennForum, but are highly intellectual nonetheless. What is 300 times $1? About two hours of topless action or about two weeks of work-study checks. Now that's smart playing, right there.
All my sources confirm the dirty truth. An anonymous member of SPEC has informed me that she seeks to form an independent committee in order to finance a strip pole for her dorm room. Ooh la la. And, lickity split, it's just that easy. Would I lie to you, baby? "Of course not, Emperor James."
Above all, don't take yourself so seriously that you cannot entertain the idea for a second. I have never been to a strip club and do not advocate anything in this article.
Just take your clothes off, and have a nice day.
