art
Art at Home Plate
Pennsylvania Academy of the Fine Arts
118 North Broad Street
Jan. 21- Jan. 28, Tues - Sat 10 a.m. - 5 p.m., Sun 11 a.m. - 5 p.m.
Free w/admission of $5, students $4
(215)-972-7600
www.pafa.org
I like Chewy Sprees, Crown Royal, Jiggaman, hummus, boat shoes, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Range Rovers, and some other stuff, too. One thing I really hate is baseball, so I'm probably not the best person to be writing a guide about this exhibit. My sports IQ is a point less than a ground squirrel's. But having been semi-sober over the course of the past decade, I am at least vaguely aware of Philadelphia's team sucking ass. Yet for some reason the aforementioned franchise has thought it necessary to put together a unique collection of painting that artistically celebrates their winning history. By winning, I mean losing. And if you go to this exhibit, you're a loser too.
Clubs
Funk Rock
Fluid Nightclub
613 S. 4th St.
Fri, Jan. 23,10 p.m.
$5 before 11 p.m., $8 after
(215) 629-3686
www.fluidnightclub.com
Fri., Jan 23 marks a night of Philadelphia dance music at Fluid Nightclub, just off South Street near the legendary 611 Records. Featuring Philly DJs Kemek the Dope Computer and Ricardo Rivera, this promises to be an awesome night of dance music. In addition, it's a birthday party for the DJs and there will be t-shirt, DVD and CD freebies from G-mart and Reflective. Pretty good for five bucks.
Faye & DSW 1/24 9pm
Shampoo Nightclub
417 N.8th Street
Sat, Jan. 24, 9 p.m.
$15
(215) 992-7500
www.shampooonline.com
Fireworks and Dragon Dance at midnight at Shampoo, known for its famous gay night, Shaft Fridays. An Asian-inspired night of dancing and live performances from sexy divas complete with several levels of dance, the Red Envelope Cash giveaway gives you the chance to get $300 dollars in addition to celebrating the New Year in style. It's one of those nights when one gives a little to get a lot.
College Night at Egypt with Richie Rich
Egypt
520 N. Delaware Ave.
Wed, Jan. 28, 9 p.m.
$10
(215) 922-6500
www.egypt-nightclub.com
Behind the pretentious bow tie and savoir faire of Richie Rich lies an innate desire to tap some freaky ass bootie. These are the episodes that never graced the airwaves. Rich procures the Great Pyramids and then transforms them into the most licentious S&M bungalow in the history of Cartoon Network. Tonight's plot: the nubile Richie Rich plays the role of baby while Michael Jackson dangles him over the zenith of Khufu. Even the kinky triumvirate of the Power Puff Girls Gone Wild can't compete with this bordello of suspense.
CUlture
"A Letter From Birmingham County Jail"
Kelly Writer's House
3805 Locust Walk
Thu, Jan. 22, 12:30-1:30 p.m.,
Free
(215) 573-WRIT
http://www.english.upenn.edu/~wh/
In commemoration of Martin Luther King's birthday, Kelly Writers House and Penn for Peace present a reading of one of Dr. King's most famous and important writings, which he wrote when imprisoned in Birmingham in 1963, inspiring the growing Civil Rights Movement. This reading is only one part of a week of events honoring the legacy of Dr. King, including multiple community service initiatives, panel discussions and guest speakers.
Chinese New Year Celebration
International House of Philadelphia
3701 Chestnut Street
Fri, Jan. 23, 6:30 p.m.
$8 Food & film, $6 film only, $5 film students & seniors, $4 food only
(215)-387-5125
http://www.ihousephilly.org/prog_specialevents.htm
That's right, the Year of the Monkey is nigh and the Monkey King is a'borning. All around the world thousands of his rabid, plague-ridden followers are practically begging for animal activists to free them, and you don't have to have watched 28 Days Later to figure out what follows. So prepare for revels of apocalyptic proportions at the I-House, where good company and good food eventually become one and the same. A film showing at 8 p.m., the aptly titled Happy Times, is guaranteed to give you something to chew on beside your best friend's fibula. And red is the traditional color at this fancy fˆte for those who won't let Death keep them from going out in style.
SWITCH Inc. Presents: 1st Annual "Empowering You" Seminar
The Foundation
4014 Walnut Street
Sat, Jan. 24, 11 a.m. - 3 p.m.
Free
(215) 573-3234
www.foundationarts.org
Sisters with Initiative to Change Humanity (SWITCH) are doing their part by holding a seminar on how to live in a man's world by your own rules. Workshops include Fiscally Fit and Natural Care, among others, providing tips on how to build a healthy and self-sufficient female community. R&B singer Summer Fitch will perform and there will be $1 book sales, raffles and gifts sponsored by Avon.
Speakeasy: Poetry, Prose and Anything Goes Open Mic
Kelly Writers House
3805 Locust Walk
Wed, Jan. 28, 8 p.m.
Free
(215) 573-9748
http://www.english.upenn.edu/~wh/
Ah poetry: many do it, but few do it well. Fortunately, this event does not require you to belong to that latter group. One time I went to this and read some excerpts from my unauthorized autobiography, John Brooks, Dance of 1000 Flamingos while my buddy played the triangle. Incidentally, his triangulation was so enveloping that I found myself nonplused in its sonance -- which earned him the apposite pseudonym, "The Bermuda Triangle." So bring your compatriots and doggerels down to the Kelly's Writers House for an unforgettable evening.
Dance Boom!
Wilma Theater
265 S Broad Street
(215) 893-9456
Events nightly
$20-40
http://www.wilmatheater.org
The new dance program at the Wilma costs between $20-40, which you will be paying to see some men and women dance around, basically. Mind you, this is between one and two times the cost of a film like Face Invaders on DVD, but with lots of dancing and none of the incredible ass-to-mouth scenes. You do the math. God knows I did.
Only One Man Died: Medical Adventures of Lewis and Clark
Mutter Museum
The College of Physicians of Philadelphia
19 S. 22nd St.
Jan. 21 - Aug. 4, 10 a.m. - 5 p.m.
$5
(215)-563-3737
www.collphyphil.org/muttpgl.shtml
The Mutter Museum, that hot milieu for aspiring backyard vivisectionists, has done it again. This exhibit features an amalgam of impromptu surgical tools lovingly displayed alongside the mad captain-physician Lewis' fastidious notes. Some highlights among the late night ramblings and medical sketches include "The crosshatch method on tree rats" and "The blood...it's in the blood." And the man who died, you might ask? Let's just say Clark never caught on that Lewis' ominous references to the "bifurcated man" did not in fact refer to the brooding captain's manic-depressive disorder. Whether Lewis' strange habits of being out alone contributed to his being 'accidentally' shot in the leg by a fellow explorer is anyone's guess.
Genome: The Secret of How Life Works
Academy of Natural Sciences
1900 Benjamin Franklin Parkway
Jan. 24 - May 9, Mon-Fri 10 a.m. - 4 p.m., Sat & Sun 10 a.m. -5 p.m,
$9
(215) 299-1000
www.acnatsci.org/museum/future.html#genome
Finally, now you can learn life-relevant lessons such as the fact that you share 50% of your genes with a banana, and that "you are what you eat...maybe." You know, either genes or random events influence our behavioral predispositions. But don't reach for that Freshgrocer plastic bag just yet. Though being repeatedly impaled on Hume's fork is enough to dampen anyone's enthusiasm, scientists have finally discovered the DIM gene that controls free will. And if you believe that, I've got some biotech stocks to sell you.
Fetish
Indoor Snowmen
Please Touch Museum
210 N. 21st St.
Sat, Jan. 24, 10 a.m.
$8.95
(215)-963-0666
www.pleasetouchmuseum.org
I once constructed a rudimentary samurai snowman and named him Mr. Flakey. As soon as I fastened my Playschool sword in his mitten, he came alive in a display of thaumaturgy. Along our quest for world domination, we ran into the Nestea Iced Tea commercial snowman. Mr. Flakey called him a sellout and gave the Nestea snowman a swift donkey kick to those obnoxious teeth. Then, in all his megalomaniac insanity, he turned on me, but I threw some road salt at him. Thus was the demise of the magical snowmen. Burn in hell, Mr. Flakey, burn in hell.
RN: The Past, Present and Future of the Nurses' Uniform
Fabric Workshop and Museum
1315 Cherry St., fifth floor
Jan. 22 - Feb. 14, Mon - Fri 10 a.m. - 6 p.m., Sat 12 p.m. - 4 p.m.
Free
(215) 568-1111
http://www.fabricworkshop.org
Dear Penn Nurses, perhaps my greatest lament is that due to the vast periods of time I have spent as a cadet on the streets, I haven't had the chance to meet too many of you. However, in order to rectify this, I plan on going to see this art exhibit. Soon I will have intellectual command over the history and future of your inexplicably libidinous uniforms, and utilize said knowledge to become a better fancy man. If you would like to contribute to my schooling/come under my tutelage, both my scarlets and I would be incredibly grateful.
Jewish interest
The Producers
The Merriam Theater at the University of the Arts
250 S Broad St.
Jan 14-Feb 8, various times
$42-80
(215) 732-5446
http://www.uarts.edu/newhub.html
I originally thought this Tony Award-winning play was about Just Blaze, Kanye West and DJ Premier. I was right...in a way...if these producers were actually old Jewish guys creating a play about Nazis...ok so I was totally wrong. What do you honestly expect from me? I don't get paid to do this! If you don't like it write your own guides. Fuck you!
Money in Motion
Federal Reserve Bank
10 Independence Mall on 6th St.
Jan. 21 - April 16, Mon - Fri 9:30 a.m. - 4:30 p.m.
Free
(215) 574-6000
www.phil.frb.org
My parents got me into this school and they didn't stop there -- my trust fund is off the chain. So I don't really "study," unless you mean meticulously counting the number of times Mr. Cheeks says 'blunt' in the '94 rap opus "Renee." However, for those unlucky souls who must someday work for a living, 'Money in Motion' may be an inspirational exhibit. I'm gonna skip it -- my homeboy's bringing a couple Oz's down from Vermont, so I'm straight for the next couple days. But I want to wish everyone else good luck in the future--let me know how the whole 9 to 5 thing goes.
20th Century Jewish Art and Photographs
Philadelphia Museum of Judaica at Rodeph Shalom
615 North Broad Street
Jan. 22 - March 31, 10 a.m.
Free
(215)-627-6747
www.rodephshalom.org/museum.html
I'm training to be Jewish: on a strict diet of gefilta and matzah, I haven't shit in weeks. Giving pause to my goy friends and church-going parents, I often interrupt normal conversation with Yiddish words that sound not unlike a cat throwing up. This has all been a great deal of fun. Yet my once secure sense of self is steadily dissipating I fondly remember Sunday school but dream of one day walking in the Land of Milk and Honey. Why, you might ask, would such a good Catholic boy submit himself to such trials? It's the art. Nobody does it like the Jews.
music
old 97's
Theater of the Living Arts
334 South Street
Thu, Jan. 22, 8 p.m.
$18.50
(215) 922-1011
www.theaterofthelivingarts.net
All I know is that if I played in a band named after a train, all my songs would be about the hobo life and grain-alcohol. Maybe that's why I don't have a band. Formed in 1993 in Dallas, the Old 97's are one of the top names in country alternative today. While perhaps not quite as enlightening as Wilco, this band has managed to put out several consistent albums over their career. While they are probably touring with some new material, check out their classic 1997 album, Too Far to Care. Lamentably, however, I don't think they have any songs about train-livin'.
Starsailor
Theater of Living Arts
334 South St.
Fri, Jan. 23, 8 p.m.
$13.50-$15
(215) 922-1011
http://www.theateroflivingarts.net
Alright, when did OK Computer come out again? 1997? Now its 2004, and Starsailor's mediocre Brit-pop crooning is still miles behind that hallowed masterpiece. While fans of the genre may be initially pulled in by their considerable devotion to the formula, it simply just does not coalesce into anything worth listening. In the words of a fellow Street editor, "I liked the single, so I bought the album. After a few listens, I wanted to kill myself." The end.
3 Doors Down
Wachovia Arena
255 Highland Park Blvd.
Wilkes Barre, PA
Sat, Jan. 24, 7:30 p.m.
$28.50
(570) 970-7600
www.wachoviaarena.com
This popular rock group will be in the area on Saturday at the Wachovia Arena, providing you with the chance to get out and see a good performance as well as to explore, umm, Wilkes Barre, PA. So it may be kind of out of the way, but such is the price we pay when we want to see hitmakers like 3 Doors Down play live. Also in attendance will be Tantric and Shinedown.
O.A.R.
The Electric Factory
421 N. 7th St.
Wed, Jan. 28, 8 p.m.
$25
(215) 569-9400
www.electricfactory.com
I'm going to relate/fabricate a tale I once heard from this girl who told me one of her friends spent the bulk of his summer following O.A.R. around. While to many of us this might seem like a waste of time (and money), I'm sure for him, spending the summer months listening to meandering jams and inane lyrics was better than trying to utilize his chemically attenuated faculties trying to pass his failed classes. Regardless, think of the anecdotes! "One time during'On Top of the Cage' I rolled a j with some rad-looking grass I found laying on the ground. When I woke up the next morning, not only did I have a pounding headache, but I was missing my legs."
Les Savy Fav
Theatre of Living Arts
334 South Street
Wed, Jan. 28, 8 p.m.
$12
(215) 922-1011
www.theateroflivingarts.net
With their haunting melodies and pithy lyrics, Les Savy Fav is one of the most underrated art rock bands in the indie scene. Their efficacious blending of captivating guitar riffs, synthesizer glitches and bouncy bass lines makes the Brooklyn four piece one of the most revolutionary bands of their genre. Songs akin to the despondently spastic "In These Woods" from the acclaimed EP Rome (written upside down) will shake the bejeezus out of you. Their latest release, Go Forth, is marked by such classics as "The Slip" and "Bloom on Demand." Renounce your conservative inhibitions and your sobriety, and get liberalized with Les Savy Fav.
Y100 Battle of the Bands
Penn's Landing
121 N. Columbus Blvd.
Sundays, 6 p.m.
Free
(215) 629-3200
www.riverrink.com
This event, in which crappy bands from Y100 face off in some sort of epic confrontation of rockitude, will most likely match up some of the giants of today's burgeoning genre of suck-rock. These acts have yet to be determined, but fear not, you have probably heard them, or numerous bands that sound exactly like them, on many previous occasions. This is a can't-miss event, unless you have decent taste.
