A few days ago, the father of a friend of mine came to visit. This loving father -- we'll call him "Dale" to protect the innocent -- visits his son a few times a year, and I have always looked forward to his visits. I think Dale is the smartest guy in the world, and this most recent adventure with him would prove me right once again.
To be able to draw the same level of value from one of Dale's visits as I have, one must first know some background information about him. Dale is a self-made man. He's an entrepreneur/fisherman/public-urinator; in other words, he is the American Dream personified. He also has an uncanny ability to give sage-like advice. I recall a previous visit when Dale explained to me the meaning of a song. It wasn't so much what he told me about songs; it was how he told me -- he told me through song. He sang me a song about songs and then sang me a song about the meaning of love. This latter song made me nervous and uncomfortable, but the wisdom wasn't lost on me. I learned that using made up songs to give people advice is a bad idea.
This latest visit began like any other. The three of us: Dale, me, and my friend (Dale's son -- we'll call him "Frostyballs McNutsack" to protect the innocent) all rode in Dale's van to an excellent Italian restaurant in South Philly. A few parallel-parking fender benders and a brief display of Dale urinating on a stranger's car later, we were in the restaurant. The evening was full of business talk and people-watching. The night concluded with a lesson on the importance of analyzing people.
"How old do you think that lady was?" Dale asked us, referring to a young professional woman who had been at the table next to us. I guessed 28 years old, Frostyballs McNutsack guessed 32. Apparently we were both wrong. "45" was Dale's answer. He explained, "You can tell by how her hair was straight and the way she moved her head." Of course! How could we have missed it! Dale had taught us another important lesson: If a girl looks 28, talks like she's 28 and dresses like she's 28, she is probably 45. Another possible lesson could be, "Women with straight hair are 20 years older than they look." I feel both will be of great help to me throughout my life.
The great thing about Dale is that he is so apathetic to society's standards and yet so driven at the same time. He is grumpy, sarcastic, wise and so brilliantly and fantastically Dale that there is really no other way to describe him: he's just Dale. Sure, I wish I were more like him -- I mean, I've only peed on other people's cars out of spite, not because I thought it was an acceptable social practice to walk around pissing all over town -- but isn't that the whole point? Dream the impossible dream! There, another lesson. Thanks Dale.
