Have no fear. The situation may look bleak as you now stand alone, exiled from the Greek community. But let's be honest. OFSA is nothing more than an obsolete, ineffectual, arbitrarily acting pseudo-agency plagued by infighting and a stubborn ignorance of modern realities and present needs.
We don't need OFSA. We've got all the authority we need to go ahead and do this -- to proceed alone. Maybe some will upbraid you as a "rogue" organization, but you'll be alright. You'll now be free to act however you so choose. And who cares if some people get hurt or sent to the hospital in the process? You are now only accountable to yourself.
Once you fully liberate yourself from the constrictive bonds of OFSA, you'll soon realize that you are in fact not alone. There is a growing number of people, like you -- from parts of Europe, South America and Long Island (Can I get a "Hoot hoot!") -- who share your disillusionment, and thus, set out on the lonely path. Besides, you know you're better than the rest of the blind, cowardly followers still confined by OFSA tyranny.
ZBT, as you recolonize in more renegade form, we here at Street would like to recommend some new names that better reflect your non-Greek independence, yet still capture the spirit of your brotherhood.
-- the Mohel
-- Sigma Delta Tau EATers
-- Jews for Jesus
-- AEPi
Our personal favorite is SCABBARD. A scabbard is a sheath for a sword or dagger. And as it rhymes with Tabard, it expresses your attempt to retain your strength while shielding yourself from restrictive OFSA policy. And let's face it, Scabbard is a great name because of its (we'll say) Philip Rothian wit.
You are the Jewish frat. Therefore, you are all de-sheathed, so to speak, dagger-wise. (Well, except for that one kid. You know who I'm talking about.) So as Scabbard, you are already at odds with your own identity from the onset. Could it be more perfect? Good luck.
-- Tim Gunatilaka
