I'm back. I know, I know, you probably didn't realize I was gone. But seriously, I was. I was in Costa Rica, in fact, for a cousin's wedding. And we didn't have an issue before spring break, not because we're lazy, as you might have thought, but because we never put out Street if students are going to be gone that weekend. Advertising dollars and stuff like that. I don't know. I just work here. So I never got a chance to wish you a good spring break. So, um, have a good spring break. Yeah.
I had a really good spring break, in case you care, for a few reasons. One of them is that I got an internship, which quite a few people (including me) doubted would ever happen. But to tell the truth, the interview that led to my hiring was a little eerie.
Despite what the repeated encouraging e-mails from Ruth Shoemaker say, job interviews are a weird process in general. But this one -- despite the fact that I was hired at the end -- was particularly disturbing. It started off on the wrong foot, really, when the woman interviewing me asked when I had graduated. Blessedly, I have another year until I graduate, so the mere suggestion of entering the real world generally makes me crap my pants. But it only got worse.
I explained that I was just a junior and, surprised, the interviewer asked my age. Upon hearing that I'm just 21, she said the usual, "Oh, you look older." And reflexively, I thanked her.
And then it hit me.
Ever since the time I was 16 and the hot 18-year-old lifeguard that my co-workers and I were all in love with tried to play footsy with me, I've tried to look older than I really am. When I was 16, if people thought I was 18, I could get into some bars and clubs (and play footsy with lifeguards). When I was 18 (OK, and before I was 18), if people thought I was 21, I could drink. Now that I'm 21, exactly what the fuck do I have to look forward to? I can drink, smoke, buy porn, vote, dodge the draft -- hell, I can do everything except collect Social Security or Medicare and have sex with underage girls.
Quite a few good friends of mine grew up and graduated last year. More will graduate this year, and I'm left staring after them with the great philosopher Billy Madison's words on my lips -- "Stay here. Stay here as long as you can. For the love of God, cherish it. You have to cherish it."
Don't trust anyone over 30, -Alex
