I have, in recent years, come to terms with my addictive personality. And I don't mean in the sense that people are addicted to my personality, though that happens too. I mean in the sense that I have a compulsion toward things that are bad for me: alcohol, fatty foods, reality television.
I have a new addiction.
It is powerful.
It is disturbing.
It is thefacebook.com.
Yona Silverman, the managing editor of this illustrious publication, has called me a friend whore, her term for someone who jacks up their numbers on sites like thefacebook or friendster by becoming friends with people they would never ever talk to in real life. And it is true that there are some people on my list for whom I can only barely conceal my distaste.
But in my defense, I would say this: they friend requested me, and it would be mean to hurt their feelings by denying their request. It has NOTHING to do with appearing cooler than I am to people I've never met. Seriously. NOTHING. Well, OK, maybe it has a little to do with it. But not much.
OK, fine, so I'm a cheap whore. But let me tell you what I am NOT: I am not a stalker.
Alright, yes I am.
Dear ex-flame who now goes to one of the schools on the list that is not Penn and is hopefully not reading this: I am waiting for you to start a profile. In fact, I check like once a day.
I'm pathetic. But in my defense, very, very few people from my high school go to Ivy League schools, so I have no one else to look up.
I'd check anyway, though.
Dear cute girl from one of my classes: please start a profile so I can sneakily find stuff out about you.
But seriously, I'm not an immediate threat to society.
Alright, yes I am.
As of press time, I had 72 friends. I don't say that entirely to brag, though to tell the truth -- haha, I have 72 friends and that's more than you. I say that to wonder: since when are there 72 people on campus who can stand my presence?
I know you.
I know you all.
I know your favorite quote.
I know your favorite movie.
I know your screen name and phone number.
I know whether you're in an open relationship or looking for random play.
And I am coming.
I want to be your friend.
Psycho Killer, Qu'est-ce que c'est? --Alex
