Dan Aykroyd on SNL: "Jane, you ignorant slut. My personality profile is not at issue here, any more than is your inability to achieve orgasm."
-- Grant Ginder
Angela Chase on My So-Called Life: "School is a battlefield for your heart. So when Rayanne Graff told me my hair was holding me back, I had to listen. 'Cause she wasn't just talking about my hair. She was talking about my life."
-- Yona Silverman
Larry David's attempt to get out of jury duty on Curb Your Enthusiasm: "Well, your honor, I believe it would be hard to remain impartial seeing as the defendant is a Negro."
-- Maggie Hennefeld
Chris Farley on SNL: "Lay off me, I'm STARVING!" Nothing beats Farley dressed as a fat girl who doesn't want anyone to touch her fries ... actually reminds me of the girls from my hometown.
-- Alexandra Chalat
Samantha on Sex and the City: "One time I fucked a guy because he had a swimming pool. I came over and he used to bring me Kool-Aid."
Carrie: "Kool-Aid?"
Samantha: "I was 13."
-- Jesse Salazar
Drew Carey: "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
-- Corey Hulse
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog on Late Night with Conan O'Brien: "What liquid was Han Solo frozen in? "
Star Wars Fans: "Carbonite!"
Triumph The Insult Comic Dog: "Oh, no, I'm sorry, the answer is, who gives a shit!"
-- Zach Smith
Edina on Absolutely Fabulous, telling Baby Spice that being sleazier would be a good PR move: "Just for once I'd like to see you foaming at the mouth, stinking of piss in a gutter, with your thumb up Justin Timberlake's arse, wearing nothing but a Gucci belt. Is that too much to ask? Hmmm?"
-- Clare O'Connor
