Here's the thing with Fling: It scares me.
Oh, maybe "scares" is the wrong word. But the thought of Fling really does does make me all anxious and itchy.
Sometimes I break out in hives.
It's not just Fling. It's New Years too, and my birthday. Any of those days that are supposed to be amazingly, awesomly, transcendantly fun ...
What if you try really hard, but you just don't have fun?
They tell you Fling weekends will be four of the best conglomerations of days during your time at Penn, and, therefore, in your life. And Fling should be fun. Why shouldn't it be? Fried Oreos are good. Bands are good. Shots of Ketel 1, kegs of old beer, evaporating puddles of jungle juice on the floors' of frats -- good, good and mmm, mmm good.
But how can you be sure that Fling will really be memorable? What if Fling is just okay? What if on Thursday night the boy you're hooking up with doesn't call until 4:30 a.m.? What if you realize mip-romp that picking up the phone when he did call cost you your last shred of self-respect? What if you're too hungover on Friday to want a fried Oreo? And what if you force yourself to eat one, and then throw it up all over your old room in the Quad? And what if your friend gives you so many random pills on Saturday that you lose your memory of the day entirely?
How can Fling be uber-memorable if you can't remember any of it at all?
Or, even worse, what if you just don't want to?
I don't want to put a damper on anyone's Fling, including my own. I think Fling is fun, and I'm not just saying that. I've been to the concert every year, and I've liked it. I'm probably more Penn-tastic during this debaucherous April weekend than at any other time.
But the stress! Oh, God, the stress!
Here's my mantra. It's not "Fluck Fling" or anything like that. It's just, well -- there will always be more drunken weekends and fried Oreos. And shots of Ketel 1 on any other day will taste as sweet. Because the quintissential memories of college don't really happen during Fling. They're random Tuesdays when you end up chasing shitty vodka with bites of melting ice cream sandwiches. Or those nights in Van Pelt that seem like they'll never end. That's college. That's Penn.
So Fling it up. Enjoy it -- there'll be Some Fling 4 Everyone. But know that even if this weekend is just OK, there's always next weekend.
'Coz like any wise 16 year-old boy will tell you, the less pressured the situation, the more fun it will end up being for all involved parties.
See you in the Quad --
- Yona
