Let’s be real: freshmen are on the bottom of the food chain. Most arrive at Penn without any friends, some have to live sans AC in Hill and pretty much none can get into Smoke’s. The first semester of school is spent navigating Penn’s bizarre social terrain while not completely destroying your GPA (or liver) before January. You get homesick and want to go home. You get sick sick and want to go home.

Which brings us to one of Street’s grandest traditions, right up there with Shoutouts and Cultural Elite: Freshman Superlatives. Arguably, first semester freshmen don’t need another reason to be reminded that they are back to square one after living the high (school) life of a second semester senior. I contend, however, that being a Superlative is a very good thing (yes, even if yours is “Future Real Housewife of South Jersey.”)

We spend four years at Penn in the pursuit of being known, because to be known — even for something embarrassing or questionable — means to matter. And among 10,000 undergrads, it’s easy to feel like you don’t. Well, Freshman Superlatives, you matter. Congratulations. Not only do you matter, but maybe we could even hang out sometime, as I seem to have a way of attracting Superlatives.

I present you “Where Are They Now: Freshman Superlatives 2006 Edition.” Two Emotions is one of my best friends and roommates. Must Be The Money was in my writing seminar. Kermit the Frog became a Street editor, and Make Up Your Own Damn Joke lives with a Street editor. Peanut M&M and Helen Keller are good friends of mine, and I’ve seen Massive Forehead at Blarney on more than one occasion. And so on.

This year’s batch of superlatives can be found on page 22. Not content with just exposing freshmen’s profile pictures, we went one step further and sent our Ego editors to investigate the toga stylings of the class of 2013 (see pg. 5). And our freshman hall stereotypes (pg. 11) will delight even the most jaded of upperclassmen. So read. Enjoy. And come back next week.

Fresh as in fly, Julia