HELLO YOU MERRY PRANKSTERS. Well, it’s another year, another semester. To our dedicated upperclassmen who regularly make appearances in these pages: welcome back. We hope you’ll carry on doing the stupid things that got you talked about in years past. To freshpeople: simply, welcome. We urge you to drunkenly cavort down the aisles of Frogro wearing nothing but your skivvies, get kicked out of frat parties, lose continence at Smoke’s and have sexual relations with professors. All the better to make laughs about you.
Overzealous and geographically challenged freshmen were not the only unsavory things clogging the gutter this week.
The Penn Fund Kickoff was ludicrously thrilling and introduced the whole senior class — well, only those that broke through the barricade of donation-seeking harassers — to the new Penn Fund rep stereotype. Long gone are the overachieving, peppy sorority gals. Instead, we were faced with a spattering of off-campus cokeheads and people who look like Muppets. Perhaps not as overachieving but still fucking annoying.
And whoever christened the new AEPi chapter house windows with his n’ hers thigh prints: thank you for shirking the holiness of this week and turning promiscuity into performance art. If the crowd of onlookers wasn’t embarassment enough, just know that sexing up against windows is so Highrises, 2008.
