Wawa Hoagie Day

What better way to celebrate the founding of our nation than with a 4.5–ton hoagie? Wawa and the United Service Organizations are partnering to pay tribute to local soldiers and all–around heroes by serving up a gigantic incarnation of Philly’s second–most–famous sandwich. Join firefighters, cops and Mayor Nutter in feasting on a disturbingly un–self parodic symbol of America’s overconsumption. It’s what Benjamin Franklin would have done. Wednesday, June 29, noon–2 p.m., Independence Visitor’s Center Lawn

Chinatown Block Party

It’s not unpatriotic to celebrate America’s birth in Chinatown — it’s just absurd. So absurd, in fact, that you must pencil it in under Hoagie Day on your “Surreal 4th of July Activities To–Do List.” Moreover, you will probably already be hamburger’d and hotdog’d out by Saturday, so some Chinese food may do your tummy well. Saturday, July 2, noon–4 p.m., Chinatown

Fireworks at the Philadelphia Museum of Art

For the traditionalists out there and those who love fireworks (read: everyone) comes the crowning glory of Philadelphia’s Independence Day celebrations. Watch the skies light up over Philly’s most culturally redeeming landmark in a light shown that may momentarily illuminate all that is right with this country of ours. The crowds in Fairmount Park may be a mood killer, though, so extra points for those crafty individuals who can snatch a sliver of the fiery sky from University City. Monday, July 4, 10:30p.m.