This article is a part of the the Fall 2011 Joke Issue: Real Housewives of 34th Street.

Tennis balls $6.98. Any housewife must to be prepared to show off her aggression and agility in a rousing tennis match. BYOB.

Steam iron $28.98. We hear these can make your clothes look even more expensive than they really are.

iPads for Dummies $24.99. You don’t actually have to learn how to use it — you just have to look like you do on camera!

Rhinestone shirt $49.98. These rhinestones highlight any housewife’s favorite asset.

Yoga pants $44.98. With perfectly toned legs, a housewife doesn’t have to worry about alarmingly unflattering prints.

Martha Stewart Cookbook $24.99. It doesn't matter if you're a good mother, as long as you can make a mean batch of precious cakelets.