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Walls We Really Need on Campus

Dear President Gutmann, please build these walls.

  • Surrounding the button to protect it from rampant cigarette smoke billowing out of Europeans and English majors.
  • Between Ben & Jerry’s and Hip City Veg, to keep the vegans from rioting against those audacious enough to consume dairy.
  • Encircling the biopond to make true greenhouse (aka hotbox the shit out of it).
  • Separating the two bunks in Class of 1928, Room 207 in the quad. Melissa and Alayna really need their space after the incident with the can opener. 
  • Split the Towne building into East and West Towne recreate the splitting of Berlin!
  • Covering all the doors into DRL.
  • Between Zete and Hill, since they really shouldn’t be looking at each other that much.


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