The Perks of Being a Wallflower:

Merriam–Webster defines a wallflower as someone who is as awkward as you are on Thursday nights at Rumor: stand in a corner, hold your drink, avoid all human contact. (Ed. note: Don’t fact check that.) Switch in an actual wall for the protagonist of this movie and, other than missing out on Logan Lerman’s perfect face, odds are that no one will be able to tell the difference. Would the same apply to you on Thursday nights at Rumor? Ah, this is so awkward.

The Wolf of Wall Street:

Sex. Drugs. Rock n Roll. But actually, really just drugs. Are we talking about College? No, just Leonardo DiCaprio’s performance as the Wolf of Wall Street, which we would all deem as pretty unforgettable. So, we would probably be rather unhappy if Scorsese switched out Leo for a wall, but the Academy would, like, maybe notice, and even give it the Oscar for Best Actor. Stay strong, Leo, we love you and think you’re a phenomenal actor. And you’re hot.

Wallace and Gromit:

Dearly beloved Wallace and Gromit: are you a movie or are you a TV show? I don’t think anyone really knows, so we’re going to call you a movie for now. (Don’t worry, I checked - it actually is.) Say we replace Wallace for an actual wall: seems like it would be a dog and a wall in a pretty intimate relationship. That shit’s weird. Let’s not and say we didn’t either. Great, this has been productive.


The scenes on post-apocalyptic Earth are really difficult to watch, from a wall’s perspective. All of that destruction. All of that carnage. The movie really takes a turn when WALL-E and EVE return to the Axiom, because they’ve got some serious high-functioning walls on that ship. We’re inspired to be like those walls.

Wall Street:

A wall stands idly by as Gordon Gekko says one of the most famous lines in cinema history: “Greed, in other words, is good.” She is stunned by the incredible avarice and excess of the '80s - the amount of paintings that have been hung up on her is almost enough to tear her down. But she stands tall, supporting the house that Gekko built.

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

She can't believe that this is all happening again. This time, she refuses to be a bystander. This time, she's going to do something about it. This time, the wall calls the cops. Shia LaBeouf, who is inexplicably in this movie, goes to movie jail, and is never heard from again. 


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