1. Blarney. Just hit up your football hookup from freshman year, and you’ll be good. This is solvable. 

2. Every interesting SPEC speaker event you’ve tried to get tickets to. You consistently underestimate student demand (looking at you Catilyn). 

3. The downtown your stupid roommate dragged you out to. Now you’re stuck outside of Recess and you're $20 poorer. 

4. The Penn InTouch enrollment system. You really, really need this wildly popular/low–difficulty anthro class for your Econ major. 

5. The Quad. You live in Hill, but your hookup tells you she wants to get freaky in Fisher. Too bad it’s 2 a.m., and the Quad guards give negative fucks that you’re a plebe and can’t get in. 

6. McDonald’s after midnight. What do you mean I can’t get a snack wrap because it’s not on your value menu???? Ugh fuck it, give me a Big Mac. 

7. Smokes’. This is doubly worse because your two other friends got in and while their faces read as concerned, they’re still slowly backing into the bar… 

8. NSO frat parties. Why two sophomores at the door who were probably not that cool in high school can determine your plans for the night is beyond us. 

9. GSRs in Huntsman. The kid who actually booked it is a Whartonite carrying three different backpacks and looks like he’s just not having it today. You can feel his glare burning through his Warby Parker’s and also through your soul. 

10. ANY DOOR EVER ON CAMPUS. Can we all just end the push–pull madness and agree which way a door should open?! This is straight up embarrassing and no matter how many times you have a class in Annenberg, you will just never get it right.


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