Tis the sneeze–in for snotty noses and even (s)naughtier situations. If you think your sore throat is bad, at least be thankful that you're not being featured in the Round Up this week.  We've collected some real patho–gems to remedy your sickness blues. Because if there’s one thing everyone needs to learn, it’s that at Penn, gossip is more contagious than mono on your freshman hall.

Tinkle tinkle little stars, let’s not wind up behind bars. This past weekend, one Theta girl needed to break the seal in the snow while traveling between Oz houses (Ed. note: awkward because her house happens to be between those very frat houses.) Unfortunately for her, before she could even squat down, nearby cops actually thought she was running away from them, so they quickly arrested the sorority sister. The police allegedly gave the partier a pretty hard time before letting her off with a stern warning. Can’t a girl just do her business in pee-ce without pissing off the cops?

 Other sources leaked that one St. A’s upperclassman had a little trouble going number one this weeekend. After coming back to the Tri Delt house with his hook up, the Quaker mistook another Delta’s room as the bathroom, and relieved himself on her floor. To be fair, we hear the gentleman sent both Tri Delt girls edible arrangements to apologize, and even offered to have the pee–stained carpet cleaned. But c’mon guys, it doesn’t take a wizz to realize urine the wrong room. 

You may be in Philly, but how far would you go for brotherly love? Last weekend, some Kappa Sig brothers had a close call over some close quarters. Sources say one frat event had freshmen, soaking wet and wearing only their boxers, trapped inside "the cage" when the fire alarm inadvertently went off. Although the play–pen was empty when the cops showed up, the scene itself was suspicious enough to warrant the brothers' worry. Highbrow approves of the adorable frat dog you use to woo girls, but not when it’s used as a front for caging your humans.

On the topic of cagey occurrences, Highbrow hears that twelve freshmen who were cut from Castle banded together to reform Skulls, a fraternity that was kicked off campus in 2012. While it hasn’t been confirmed that Skulls is resurrecting itself, here’s to hoping the new pledge class doesn't have too many Castle–related bones to pick. But hey, better skeletons than arsonists in the closet, right?

Speaking of internationals, we heard one Owls pledge got some seriously cold feet (or should we say talons?). After the first pledging event, the freshman freaked out, decided to drop, and then accepted a bid from his second-–choice, Theos. Two days later, the underclassman changed his mind again and called his buddy in Owls to come pick him up from Theos pledging. Hoping he’d stay Underground, the pledge masters called in the entire frat to prevent the kid from leaving. Despite their efforts, the freshman made what he considered to be a WISE decision and returned to his first choice. We guess he really meant it when he said “Owl be back.”

The inter–frat frighting continued downtown, where SAE and Phi Delt brothers had a bit of a scuffle at the OAX bid party. The altercation started when a Phi Delt guy accidentally elbowed an SAE brother in the face while trying to lift an OAX girl up onstage. The situation escalated, however, as both boys started shoving each other on the crowded dance floor, drawing the attention of each other’s respective squads. Not to worry, though. Our clever friend cOAX–ed the Pheuding Phi Delt into submission by making out with him on the spot. It really is better to be a lover than a fighter.  


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