Paint one half of your body blue.
This way, you can just say you’re really school spirited and were looking forward to going to all of Penn’s great sporting events this spring. Those exist, right? Go sportyball team.
Buy a pig mask.
You haven’t been burnt by the sun. You’re just testing out a Halloween costume for next year and really think that the swine suit speaks to you.
Paint spiraled white stripes on yourself.
Now you’re everyone’s favorite wintery treat! This is simply a campaign to have Starbucks bring back their peppermint hot chocolate for the summer months because peppermint is delicious; you’re delicious, you minty–fresh delicacy.
Say you took a really hot shower.
People will think you’re a superhuman for withstanding the duration and intensity of heated water that got you to your current scarlet shade. They’ll also think you’re hygienic. Win, win.
Tell people you're red–green colorblind.
St. Patrick’s day is coming up and you just wanted to get a jump on the painted–body fun, but what you thought was green paint is actually red, you poor unfortunately–hued soul.
Say you ate too many beets.
We’ve seen it happen with carrots, so why not have it happen with beets? Why should skin discoloration discriminate based on type of vegetable? People may question your vegetable preferences, but they sure won’t think it’s sunburn.
Tell everyone you had a horrible allergic reaction.
Any allergen will do; people are sympathetic to allergies. They may think of you as a lesser human but at least they won’t know that your real allergic reaction was from the sun.