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​Things to Blame on the Green Jungle Juice You Drank

Ten consequences of the questionable mixed drink you downed on St. Fratty's Day

  • Your broken wrist, finger, foot or general loss of physical dignity
  • Your unnecessary daylight DFMO
  • The broken fence/wall/elevated surface you were dancing and/or climbing on
  • Excessive green–themed instagrams and snapchat stories
  • Excessive/obnoxious green outfits
  • The lucky charms you binge ate in Allegros
  • Abandonment of your spring break diet
  • Regrettable drunk texts
  • The beautiful nap you took when you crashed
  • Questionably passing your midterm on Monday
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