Your average stoner: If I ever took a drug test… I don't think I'd be good at it

An avid supporter of Penn Public Safety: I was so high last week that I called PennWalk to see if they would pick up my Copa

Corporate sellout: Honestly, half the reason I want to transfer to Wharton is so that I can book a GSR.

Girl Doing God's Work: You took a pole dancing class on Ash Wednesday? Girl 2: I wanted to make Jesus proud. 

Strocialite: My friend from Liberty University, we hooked up, and then we couldn't be friends anymore because he had to repent