Highbrow knows all you basic fucks more than you know yourselves. We’re here to tell you how your trivial choices define entire aspects of your personality. Because who shouldn’t be defined by these insignificant categories, am I right?
What’s your preferred study spot on campus? The answer is indicative of your sexual curiosity level.
b) Van Pelt
c) Fisher Fine Arts
d) Annenberg Library
If you answered A or D, we know that you're a bit curious and willing to try a few kinky things here and there. As for you C’ers, we know you’ll sleep with just about anything that shares your political view on hating Trump. And lastly, those of you who chose B—let's be real, you’re not having sex at all.
What is your favorite campus coffee cup? Your answer will undoubtedly tell us your favorite alcohol.
a) Avril 50
Answer A: You drink straight absinthe, and probably use Egyptian musk as a chaser. Savage!
Answer B: Basic. Malibu or Strawberry Lemonade Svedka. You also probably wear those green bead shot glass necklaces on St. Patrick’s Day.
Answer C: God forbid you’re not seen by the scene every morning: You’re try–hard chill, and probably hate beer but order a Corona and lime at the bar anyway.
Answer D: When you’re not meeting up with your friends to smoke hookah and watch documentaries, you’re probably sipping on some self–proclaimed artsy brand of Wawa red wine. Or you are hungover as fuck from shot gun racing (beer, that is). Either demographic is applicable here.
What’s your favorite food truck on campus? It’ll tell us what you wear for class everyday.
b) Magic Carpet
d) Fruit Truck
Answer A: You definitely are still wearing real clothes to your Thursday morning recitation. Most likely a knitted sweater, infinity scarf, riding boots and a bracelet you got for your Bat Mitzvah. Dare to be different!
Answer B: You're probably always wearing something from the Urban Outfitters on campus, and most likely are a second semester senior with one class a week because how else do you have time to stand in that line for 30 minutes a day.
Answer C: Joggers and bean beets. Maybe a puffer vest if it’s a little chilly outside. E–cig in your pocket not optional.
Answer D: Lulu lemon leggings and a face that screams “spring break is over but I’m still on a diet and going to talk about it every day until the end of the year.”
What’s the best place to SABS? It’ll tell us what your favorite bar is on campus.
a) Patio outside of Phi Delt
c) Huntsman Second Floor QSR
d) Front of CapoGiro
Answer A: There’s no way you’re 21. You probably say your favorite bar is Smokes', but you only get in once a year. One day, young grasshopper.
Answer B: You live and breathe for Smokes'. Probably stay till 2 a.m. on a Tuesday night to see what underclassmen will agree to go home with you. No one will? Surprising.
Answer C: You’re “over the bar scene”—Tap House tonight with the brothers or bust. If nachos are involved, so be it.
Answer D: Blarney Stone is like a second home at this point. It’s also probably just time for you to graduate or find a hobby.