Functional Fashionista: Fanny packs are making a comeback, it’s true!! 

Brand Conscious Fashionista:  "I went to a Tabard rush event and they were all lookin' at my bag trying to figure out the was American Eagle."

CupcakKe Fan: Are you ready to deepthroat your phone? 

Kinky Econ Professor: And of course, we’re going to have to include a sex dummy. 

Questionable Periodontist:  If your gums are bleeding, it means you’re pregnant. 

Frogro Checkout Clerk: Do you have food stamps? 

Penn Student Buying Ramen in Bulk: No, but do you take bursar? 

Thoughtful ENVS Prof: “I recently saw an article about how climate change will end beer production…somebody should probably tell Kavanaugh.”