Lowbrow
Oh Snap
Dear Stalker, What is happening to us? Thinking about Valentine's Day makes me reminisce about our past (or rather, your past) methods of following me.
Shoutouts Fall 2006
To my well-endowed sister: Don't tell me I'm missing something and then stuff my bra with your dirty socks.
Shoutouts Fall 2006
To my well-endowed sister: Don't tell me I'm missing something and then stuff my bra with your dirty socks.
Freshmen Superlatives
Click here to view the full-size PDF.
Hot town! Summer in the city
This summer I, like many of my peers, interned in New York. I learned many things, but most importantly I learned what others neglected to mention: ALERT!
Shoutouts Spring 2006
To every JAP at this school: I'm Jewish, I'm a girl and I hate you and everything you stand for. To the girl who hooked up with everyone and lost her camera at Derby Days: If your camera is anything like your dignity, then finding it is probably a lost cause. To my left rotator cuff: How the fuck did you tear yourself.
Word on the street: Fuck you, world
Every year when the weather gets warmer, I geta little homesick. Typically this happens at roughly the same time when Spring Fling is over, and I have ginormous papers to look forward to.
Word of the week: Back of the Net
definition: Well done; awesome; nice etymology: refers to the feeling of excellence resulting from a basketball successfully entering the hoop, thereby hitting the back of the net. Ex.
Thing of the Week: Skip It
In today's world of robot dogs and PSPs, it feels good to think back on the simplicity of your own childhood and remember how this plastic ball on a string somehow occupied you for hours.
Right on/Fuck you
Oh theeeeeere you are! After what seems like months of hibernation, it is lovely to see your shining face again, o' glorious Sun.
Ten things to say when caught with alcohol by a spectaguard
1. "My friend just fell off the quad balcony and I need to cauterize/clean the wound." 2. "This isn't alcohol.
Fling haikus
When beer flows like wine, And grass is littered with trash, I puke in my hair. Fried Oreos and Funnel Cake stick to my shirt Oh God, so wasted. People getting nude, Everybody is horny, Sucks for Team Fling Safe. I ate a brownie And now I am high as shit Feel force flow to hand!
Word of the Week: Capernoited
pronunciation: KAY-per-noy-ted definition: slightly intoxicated; tipsy Ex. Charlemagne: "Yo whodi, you planning on getting capernoited during Fling?" Martin Van Buren, "Aw hell no, dawg.
Ten tips for fling
1. You're not cool unless your BAC reaches at least .15 2. You're also not cool unless you belong to a group that sports an offensive T-shirt or headband. 3. Guys should hook up with at least two ugly girls by Sunday.
Thing of the Week: Alcohol
If you don't know what this is, chances are you just drank a whole lot of it. Have a very merry Fling.
Ten Commandments of Fling
I. Thou shall not say no to any offered beverage, regardless of said beverage's origin. II. Thou must avert your eyes from nude Mask & Wig members. III. Honor your friend from high school who is staying with you (i.e.
Thing of the Week: Party Parasols
We love these Borrower-sized umbrellas for their function as well as flair. While they do in fact spice up the average drink, their true purpose is to be destroyed becuase you know you're just going to end up pulling off that top part from that bottom part.
Word of the Week: Blunk
pronunciation: bluhnk definition: Being in a state of intoxication from both alcohol and recreational marijuana; a combination of "blazed" and "drunk" ex. Harry S.
The worst of Penn 2006
WORST PLACE TO STUDY ABROAD BUENOS AIRES It fucking sucks here. Everyone speaks Spanish. Who knew? WORST FORM OF THEFT PREVENTION: FRESH GROCER'S USE OF A SHARPIE ON PEOPLE'S RECEIPTS Though the pen may be mightier than the sword, it sure as hell isn't mighiter than a glock or a canister of Syntox nerve gas.
