Street: Has this interview been keeping you up at night?
Chloe Bower: Yes, I think since I found out that I was going to be Editor–in–Chief I’ve been thinking about it.
Street: We’re going to hit you with the hardest question first: Kill, fuck, marry—One Direction edition.
CB: I would kill Liam, he’s probably the most traditionally good–looking one, but I’ve heard he’s just kind of a dick. I would fuck Harry. At first, I didn’t understand the Harry hype, and something just switched. There’s just something about his hair that gets me. I would marry Niall because he’s just so cute and sweet and the only one that doesn’t have tattoos.
Street: You don’t like tattoos?
CB: I like tattoos in the Harry sense, but I’d like to be buried with my husband in a Jewish cemetery.
Street: Tell us how you feel about Zayn leaving.
CB: On the day that it happened, I would say at least 15 people texted me offering their condolences and sending really serious texts. I'm sad about it.
Street: Did you cry?
CB: I did not cry.
Street: Which One Direction lyric makes you swoon?
CB: I guess my favorite song right now is probably "Rock You," but it doesn't really make me swoon. It's kind of erotic.
Street: What do you miss least about being editor–in–chief?
CB: The temperature of the office.
Street: You're known as one of the creators of "SABS." Give us your definitive definition.
CB: "SABS" is a way of life. It's waking up in the morning, and it's a feeling that you're going to go out there and you're going to see and be seen, and you're going to embrace the world, talk to people, meet people and let people come talk to you. It's confidence.
Street: Where do you spend most of your time?
CB: In my bed.
Street: Doing what? Watching TV?
CB: Watching TV, watching Vines, looking at Instagram, idolizing internet celebrities, listening to One Direction. I'm a very simple person.
Street: Tell us something we don't know about "Friars."
CB: As much as we would like to tell people that we don't believe we're the coolest people on campus, we actually do believe that.
Street: What's the best compliment you've ever received?
CB: Someone recently told me that I looked like a babe from Slytherin when I was wearing a black hoodie with my hood up.
Street: What's a thing most people don't know about you?
CB: I actively try hard every day and sometimes look in the mirror to not have a "resting bitch" face. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I practice what it feels like to me when I'm smiling.
Street: Okay, fill in the blank: There are two kinds of people at Penn.
CB: People who have found a place or community that feels like home and people who have never been to the Street office or the 40th street McDonalds.
Street: What’s your guilty pleasure? Not One Direction.
CB: Not wearing a bra because it’s my dirty little secret.
Street: If you could live anywhere on the planet, where would that be?
CB: I would want to live in a dark cave in the middle of a city where I could just be isolated and hide from everyone, but when I need some attention just walk outside and have people around.
Street: If you are what you eat, what would you be?
CB: Cheese. Probably a nice brie. Something imported.
CB: No. Cold brie.
Street: If you could have a drink with anyone in history, who would it be and why? And what would you drink?
CB: I’d like to have a glass of Sauvignon blanc with Steve Jobs.
Street: What will you be doing on this day in ten years?
CB: I think I'll be bossing people around at work and hopefully my kids at home.
Street: Bossing around them too?
CB: Yeah. I want to have a lot of kids just so they're forced to love me and be my friends.
Street: How many?
CB: I don't know. However many my body can handle.
Street: What's your spirit animal?
CB: A sloth. I could have chosen something fierce, but I think being lazy and being in my bed is really important to me right now.
Street: What TV character do you most identify with?
CB: Cersei Lannister on Game of Thrones. She’s a cold-hearted bitch, but she always has a glass of wine in her hand.
Street: What’s your motto?
CB: Always dress like you’re going to a funeral.
Street: What do you like best about Penn?
CB: Greek Lady.
Street: What do you hate most about Penn?
CB: Being in the lobby of Huntsman when classes are changing.
Street: Which romantic comedy describes your life the best?
CB: Can I say Jiro Dreams of Sushi? Is that a romantic comedy? I fell in love and I laughed and I cried.
Street: When was the last time you cried?
CB: When I watched the One Direction movie.
Street: Tell us about your first kiss.
CB: I remember my first French kiss. I broke up with my seventh grade boyfriend at a bat mitzvah in between the service and the party because I knew that if we went on the dance floor during the party there would be the expectation that we would have to make out on the dance floor. I didn't feel ready to do that, so I just broke up with him.
Street: What's one thing we forgot to ask you?
CB: How I feel about The Barefoot Contessa, Ina Garten. I think she is an inspiration for girls like me who dream of having successful careers—she was once a nuclear policy analyst—followed up with living in the Hamptons and entertaining a coterie of gay men with white wine and bruschetta. I can't think of anything I want more in life than good friends, good bread, and sauvignon blanc.
Street: What were you scared we were going to ask you?
CB: How often I masturbate, because you asked my roommate that.