(Image Source: Maurizio Pesce)
Snapchat, the app previously known as a sanctuary for the insecure to attempt as many duck–faced selfies as they please, has recently been updated to show the recipient how many tries it took for the sender to finally settle on the right snap. Naturally, there is unrest throughout the Penn community, and it’s sorority girls who are the most outraged.
We caught up with Penelope Dilworth (College ‘17), a junior in Omega Chi Epsilon Beta Rho Gamma, who is among those leading the charge in the fight against the revealing update.
Street: Why is this new update such a big deal to you?
Penelope Dilworth: Look, it takes me at least five tries to get anything close to a decent picture of myself––make that ten for my “woke up like this” snaps. It would be a disaster if that cute boy I’m trying to hook up with found out. His family owns a horse ranch in the Hamptons for Christ’s sake. I need a horse ranch in my life. 'Cause, I mean, on second thought, he’s not really that cute, but like, it’s the fucking Hamptons. Come on, I can’t mess this up.
Street: Do you think you might possibly be overreacting?
PD: This is putting my whole fucking life in jeopardy. Do you know how incredible it feels to have a 79–day snap streak? How am I supposed to keep that going in a world where I’m forced to live in constant fear of people realizing that I’m not as perfect as social media makes me seem? I did not actually wake up like this!
Street: So what are you gonna do about it?
PD: Thousands of Penn students and graduates have accomplished amazing things. I’m no different from them. I will fix this. So, yeah, fuck Snapchat.
Similar notions were shared by an offensive tackle for the football team, Leroy Carter (Wharton ‘16). “I like to act tough, but sometimes when I take a picture of myself in the morning, my hair sticks up in the back,” Carter lamented. “It’ll usually take me at least seven attempts before I’m able to take an okay one. I can’t afford to have the kids I bullied in high school know that I have a soft side.”
Unfortunately, it seems as if these students’ woes will persist, as we’ve heard no rumblings of a possible repeal of the update. It appears that veiled vanity no longer has a place in this mad world of ours.