Dear Nibblers, Nippers and All Those Who Bite,

One morning my sophomore year I woke up with a bruise on my boob. A large, unsightly blob, right there on my left tit. My initial reaction? Well...this is concerning.

Let’s set the scene. I was hooking up with a boy after some mixer… I think… All I know is that he was dressed in something culturally appropriated #PCculture. Midway through our hook up, he bites my neck. Hmm... Seconds later, he bit my boob. Uh, okay, ouch?! 

This is something I’ve experienced a few times now, the tendency to resort to teeth rather than lips as a mode of contact with my skin. Perhaps it’s a personal preference, but I think teeth should be constrained to a certain perimeter. There’s a time and place for a little love bite, sure, but dead center on my chest certainly isn’t one of them. Sue me. 

This time, it was like all out war between teeth and body. But did I say anything? No. I didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. I let him nip away, while the only things I bit back were my words. 

Why did I refuse to correct this boy? In hindsight, I know I should have told him, for his own benefit and for future girls. But for some reason any complaint in the bedroom has become a taboo topic, at least between the people actually doing it. I talk about it all the time—maybe too much— with my friends, but we need to talk about it more with each other. That, my good people, is the purpose of this open letter. 

Now, this is just my perspective. It’s happened to everyone, boy or girl. I’ve asked a lot of my friends about this. Many of them really like it. In fact, they love it. I mean, if you guys have talked about it, don’t let me stop you. Go for it. All bets are off. Prouda you. 

If, like me, you find this hard to talk about, here are some guidelines

General Rules of the Biting Game:

1. Stay away from biting boobs, that should be a given. In my case, apparently not. 

2. Less is more. In terms of teeth, that is. 

3. Hickeys are a no. What the fuck are you, 11? 

4. Start small, work your way up.

5. MOST IMPORTANTLY, TALK ABOUT IT. Seriously, so much shit happens and the worse thing you can do is NOT tell someone whether or not you like it. So please, for the sake of your soft, tender flesh and the biter's future hook ups, if it hurts, say something. 

And those are my thoughts on the issue. I condone biting, just maybe reserved to the upper–fourth of my body. PLEASE. I beg.