Step 1: Go to your class Facebook group and start looking at who has posted recently.

Step 2: Facebook stalk them from your alter ego Facebook account and like a pic from 2012. This will show them you’re interested and have done your homework but will still keep them guessing.

Step 3: Hack into their Penn InTouch and memorize their schedule. Wait outside all of their classes. When they come out, immediately cover your face with your hands. Mystery is sexy.

Step 4: “Bump” into them in the Houston salad line. If you have the same order, it's love.

Step 5: Next time you pass them on Locust, give them an extremely enthusiastic greeting.

Step 6: “Coincidentally” book the GSR next to them every night for a week.

Step 7: Find a lawyer to appeal the restraining order. Stand on the compass and shout, "Does anyone know a lawyer?” Wait about five seconds before you’re stampeded by people giving you their parents’ business cards.

Step 8: Repeat steps one through seven, but while maintaining a distance of 250 meters.


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