1. Stealing Cigarettes from People

I normally wouldn't be caught dead casually smoking a cig, but the minute I'm thrown into Recess or a Castle party, I wouldn't be caught dead without one. This is the first step to smoking outside VP for a study break, and we all know it. 


2. Buying guys drinks

Chivalry's dead, but we can still get drunk. Stuck in a conversation at Smokes' about how cute some frat's dog is? Bankrupting yourself is the perfect out. Save up your Behavioral Lab stash and try it next time you're out—it's invigorating. Just be prepared to check your bank account the next morning and weep tears that smell like Red Bull vodka.


3. Staying in the bathroom with all your friends for an inordinate amount of time

Why are all my most important conversations saved for the Phi Delt first floor bathroom, you ask? We will never know. What I do know is one minute you are recruiting everyone you know and love to go to the bathroom with you and the next minute, when you exit, the party's over. Obviously important shit is going down in there, like confirming 20 times that the guy outside is into your friend and that she looks hot. 


4. FaceTiming your mom

This happens more often than not, let me tell you. And it's weird, but oddly necessary at 1 a.m. My personal favorite is prefacing the FaceTime with a "Pick up, it's an emergency" text and then simply smiling and saying hi when she calls in a panic. You call it psychopathic, I call it therapeutic. Potato, potahto. 


Comments

All comments eligible for publication in Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. publications.