I. Limbo: Waiting for an exam to be curved
Is my 35 going to transcend the earthly realm to heaven and turn into an 80 or what?
II. Lust: PDA in VP
I don’t know whose life is more depressing, them or me? “Howling darkness of helpless discomfort” seems about right.
III. Gluttony: Houston sushi bar at 12:15pm
Crowds wallow in despair, victims to their gluttony. So desperate to satisfy their cravings they don’t acknowledge their neighbors. Waiting an eternity for a lukewarm teriyaki bowl. The only thing worse is trying to fight past the mob to get some edamame.
IV. Greed: Goldman Sachs info session
A “nation of lost souls” fights among themselves with resumes and marketable skills. It’s tough to make it out of this one alive.
V. Wrath: A midterm the Monday after Fling
THIS CAN’T BE LEGAL.
VI. Heresy: When the preacher (you know the one) decides to visit campus
Nothing gets you in the mood for class like getting called a “porno freak” while walking down Locust.
VII. Violence: Club elections
It just can’t be that serious and yet somehow it always is.
VIII. Fraud: Overhearing Hubbub coffee chats
Listening to someone talk about how as the “Executive Undersecretary” of their consulting club they get “legitimate professional experience” is painful for all. Boy, we know your only job is to organize 3 BYOs a semester.
IX. Treachery: Getting a bad participation grade
The deepest circle of hell. If you’re in here it means your TA is as bad as Judas. I mean you actually showed up to recitation semi-conscious every other week. You even went on canvas sometimes and downloaded the reading. Aren’t TA’s supposed to be on our side??