Highbrow knows you don’t really mean half of the things you say. Whether it’s to avoid an awkward situation, get ahead of your peers, or to serve as one of those classic Freudian defense mechanisms, we hear you. In fact, we have a pretty good idea of what you really mean when you engage in this type of frivolous rhetoric. Please see the guide below to keep yourself well informed on the underlying meanings of your colleagues’ false claims.



Claim: Omg, I literally haven’t been out all semester.

Translation: I didn’t go out last night.

Don’t give us that bullshit. We saw you out on Thursday at the pregame, even though it only lasted four minutes. Maybe you didn’t stay out for long, but Street knows you were trying. We’re sorry you missed the mixer on Friday night, but we know we’ll see you Wednesday for Sink or Swim. Hope you can stay afloat.


Claim: I’m probably going to start studying later for an hour or two.

Translation: I have been studying secretly in my room for three weeks and don’t want you to start studying because I enjoy having the curve work in my favor.

We know you've gotten perfect scores on every recitation quiz, and we know you aren’t going to just start studying the night before the exam. But never fear, we've been grinding for the last 27 hours straight. Let the games begin.


Claim: I’m really passionate about investment banking.

Translation: I hate myself.

No, you're not “really passionate” about investment banking. You want to make a lot of money and have fallen subject to Penn’s finance–pushing culture. And you also aren’t quite sure what you’re getting yourself into. Christ, what is a cash flow? We're praying for you, and we hope you do the same for us. Get well soon, xoxo.


Claim: I am actually dying.

Translation: I don’t think what you’re saying is funny and I don’t care to listen any longer.

Highbrow knows that you don’t think what your friend is saying is funny enough for you to be “actually dying.” You're alive and well and wishing your friend would stop talking to you so that you could go back to scrolling through Instagram and drinking your coffee in peace. We’re sorry you've been put through this tumultuous time. 


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